HURT maknanya SAKIT

A story about a very close family friend. She’s hurt most of her lifetime with her family since boarding school. She laughs her best when shes at school. Now? She barely knew how to laugh. Because schools over.

Why?

Why it has to be all in place when you are around and not me?

Why it has to be perfect when you are around?

Why you have to be so memorable?

Why you have to let everyone remember you so much?

Why?

Why it has to be so hurtful when it comes to me?

Why it has to be full with imperfections when I am around?

Why do I have always been forgotten?

Why did I miss everything so big that happen in our house?

Why do I always kept silent if I am jealous?

So it IS about jealousy aint it?

I know I shouldn’t be. We are flesh and blood.

You got to go to everywhere woth the whole family (minus me)

I don’t.

You got everything as you wish. Shoppings and all

I don’t.

You got a brand new phone while you still have yours

I don’t even own one.

Well I know I lost lots of things while I’m in that pleasant and lovely and missed-so-nuch JAIL.

What can I do if people keep stealing from me?

Maybe I am the one with the BIG careless sign.

But I cant see any difference between us about that.

I am really HURT, that’s why Im writing in English. No one would probably understand my language.

How am I HURT while im still at HOME, the place that’s no better than others.

Well this is how. I looked through our pictures,  I wasn’t a lot in there.

Its okay.

Then I remembered, when I called someone who’s having steamboat dinner with the whole family.

While looking into those time picture, obviously theres no me.

But, that was fine. She hanged up the phone before I could even finish talking.

I thought you guys were probably busy with the kids or something.

But the pictures didn’t show that.

You guys were having so much fun. Oh! I knew why that happened,

The day before, I told that someone about my FILTHY results. That’s what I thought.

I kept on blaming myself. But I forgot, they got you at that time.

Remember when you’re still in this country? Seeking knowledge somewhere north, same state as I did.

When Im home and you’re not, Mom called you so many times, sent you photos of what we eat and all.

In my whole 5 years, I could even count the numbers of she calling me. Even during my spm days.

Graduation day? She never knew I had one, this year. I was all alone that day. Her husband didn’t remember my BIG day too. I wasn’t hoping that anyone’s coming. Not even you. But, the fact that nobody’s congratulating me… or even wishes me, “happy graduation day!” It kills me. Couple of movies in my MP4 saved the day, you know.

I don’t want to mention anything else, it would hurt us both. I cant blame anyone else but myself.

I am not a good housemaid.

I am forgetful.

I had bad academic reputation.

I don’t really know how to ask for things I wanted.

I didn’t know how make people feel alive.

I don’t know how to show love.

They have to do everything for you to make you get great results. While me, I don’t have to get all those attention and things like galaxy ace and stuff to have me got great results. They really know how to nail us, didn’t they? Parents know the best, right?

But my friend knows for sure, she cannot hold grudge or feels bad about the ones who had been supporting her so much but she barely sees it. She just wants ‘you’ in the story to become more grateful with her position even if she doesn’t like it. Not liking it doesn’t mean you cant be happy with it. At least, you’re always been the priority. Not the one to be loved and remembered because of a big SCHOOL name, or for being a brainsick.