Have loved

So i have loved but to the wrongness of whats right.
So i have been touched by the hands of a friend.
And i say thank you.

For showing me such friendship would exist and it would come to no avail. And it will end.
Although i thought we promised for ever.
And our for ever is now at done.

So i have loved with cautious. But still it comes to an absolute insincerity at the end. So i have trusted you with a piece of my heart but i have been thrown back with it on my face.

So you never lied. Yes, i know you wouldnt. But you never had told me the bitter truth. And i admit, we were lying to ourselves about it.

We lost the topic, we dont know what to talk about. We started to become cold to each other. We lost the topic. We are lazy to share our different stories because we thought we wouldnt understand each other but its a lie. We are just lazy. You are too lazy.

We became strangers in the moment i thought we know each other all too well to become a for ever.

I dont ask for much. I just want you to know that i have loved. Cautiously. But still you know how to break my heart.

So as i am very protective over my heart, i need to let go. As you have let go. I need to move on. As you have let go.

Goodbye rab. I'd wish to never have you. But i had.

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One and only.

Because i am my one and only. Because i am me. I am the only one that is me. I hold the reaponsibility of being me. Being someone who have all this thought. All of this that no one else could be thinking of. Being me is the most unreasonable at times, the best thing at times and the exhaustion i tell you. The exhaustion to have to think even when you're not supposed to think. To be when you're not supposed to be. Like when you think you have this magical hands that can heal but you cant heal. Oh i wish i have those hands.

Because i am my most difficult case. I thought with having a blog, i can tell things i cant say. The fact is i cant tell no matter how much it needed to be expressed.

I am me. I share my thoughts, my say, my see, my hear and all of mine not because how open-minded i am. Because i want to be accountable, because no matter how wrong i am, i am right.

I am not humble. I do what i can do. I say the obvious things and i see with the eyes Allah lent me. Hear and say with whats not mine too. So, if you say i am humble, down to earth, no. I love showing off and be proud of who i am. Humble is for the weak. But i demand it from everyone.

I am selfish. Yes. No added elaboration needed. I love serving myself.

I am too judgy. Judge is my job if i am not a doctor 4 years later. And i'll be the one hated by all criminals.

And i want to know more of what i am.

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Your cup of tea.

I miss you. And all that makes you. Doesnt make sense. Ridiculed. Oh shut up.

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Truth in life

How do you know if whatever that occured to you is the truth? How do you know if its real or just a few people pretend to be real?

Every second we breathe, we takw chances. Chances that maybe we are going to die soon. Thats the only truth you need to survive today. The best truth; the only that keeps a human being to do their best in a day is to live like its our last day.

I have trust issues. I dont believe in people that easily. This may seem a bit dramatic but its the truth. One day she's your best friend and the next your enemy. Nauzubillah.. but that is whats happened today.

How do you know if that someone is sincere to you? Only intuition could guide you. And Allah. He guides those who asks.

In shaa Allah my lost today will be a great blessing.

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i dont believe you

No I don't believe you

When you say don't come around here no more

I won't remind you

You said we wouldn't be apart

No, I don't believe you

When you say you don't need me anymore

So don't pretend

To not love me at all

I don't mind it

I still don't mind at all

It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up

Looks like you've given up, you've had enough

But I want more no I won't stop

'cause I just know you'll come around... right?

performed by pink.

Reset Button

Assalamualaikum.

so, how's life? 

That is an absolute question we should ask ourselves once in a while. like go somewhere peaceful, look forward, straight posture, open up your navy blue eyes wide and ask, how's life? ( if you dont have any navy blue eyes, then dont do it) then, see if it gets better.. 

Everyone has a reset button but unfortunately, it is not in the hands of you to push it. it is not in your control. its in God's. He chooses when to push your life reset button. you see, changes are not easy. to change for the better especially is not easy. to accept the changes itself is hell whats more to bear them. speaks out of experience and not theoretically. 

the people who knew me before my reset button is pressed knew me differently. my life in the past, it was filled with carelessness, it was only life of a typical girl living in a dream. literally. When my family had a terrible accident, all of those dreams; it was gone (im glad that its gone) the careless girl couldnt be careless anymore and she cant dream the same. I had healthy parents, who walks proudly, energetically and vibrantly living the life as it came by. Alhamdulillah now they are healthy too. but they dont look the same. Changes, you see. My life was reset. Our life were. and trust Allah when he said, He's not testing you beyond what you can bear. That faith saved us millions of time.

so, take good care of your faith for when your reset button is pressed, you know there's something which never leaves you. 

so, how's life?

Unlike before

It was before these days that i am brave and solid on spreading islamic news and reminders.
It was before these days that i am strong enough to say, no this is wrong because Allah forbids it.
It was all i am that before.
The more i learn about myself, the more that i become afraid to spread those great reminders and words.
The more i sin, the more silent i have become. I am too tiny to say Allah forbid this, you cant do this.
Too tiny because i know how low i am in His eyes. There are a lot of other people who contradicts me. Who can say Allah forbids that, its wrong.

Humbly i tell you, its not that i do not want to be who i used to be. Honestly, because i look up at everyone around me to be better than me. And yes, they are way better. They recite the al quran better, they know better. But, why is that they do things they shouldnt?
Some would say i belittle myself too much. But i am not.. maybe.

I cant leave badar because before this, when i was strong and solid i had badar as a base. I am hoping to make me strong again.

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The Perks of Haters' Existence

There are haters all around the world who hates things. I hate some things, and some ones. On top of those, I hate what haters do to display their filthy hatred. (Why even do such things?!)

Not only do they portray their hatred towards another party, what they do is actually creating assumptions (which what even an average person always do) and bad perceptions towards the party that they hated without knowing the reality of it.

The negative energy they bring is almost overwhelming and nauseating. As a person who loves a positive surrounding all around, I am afraid that these haters would someday influence my friends, families or even my kids to be.

I have a friend who throw words like 'bodoh' when talking about a person we dont even know based on a silly comment on instagram. 
Not good, tho.

I love socializing in the network but its not something i would take into account to trust or agree on blindly. This is the network, which is filled with satans and angels. How do we know if what we read, watch or hear from the network can be worthy of our lives?
Thats when our thinking takes part.

Accepting blindly is not an option. Theres a lot to consider from the net, from the people especially from these garbage of haters.
What comes from our mouth displays us, careful not to spell out words that would tarnish our reputation.
Be sensitive.

Tak semua longkang ada mulut. Mulut kau ada? 😂

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Hati orang

Kita tak tahu hati orang. Kita dapat lihat apa dia buat, dengar apa dia kata dan jatuh sayang lepas kita suka. Tapi kita tak tahu hati orang.

Dan mungkin juga kita benci bersebab atau tidak. Tak mustahil walau dengan benci kita meratap bila dia mati. 

Aku ni manusia yang sepaling hebat buruk dan baiknya. Ada masa aku baik, tapi kebanyakan masa siapa tahu aku buat apa. 

Hati orang tu sedih, tapi tak siapa nampak. Dia hilang anak dia, laki dia sekelip mata. Serious sekelip mata. Bila dia sedar, seluruh hidup yang dia baru siap bina runtuh. Macam tu je.  

Dia ni kuat. Ni lah the perks of being the strong-willed. Menangis ke demam ke orang tak nampak. Naknak pulak tanned macam aku. Memang tak nampok kak oi.

Aku jumpa memo, tulisan tak sekata dan makin lama makin tak terbaca. Penulis memo ni mungkin menangis sambil tulis ke apa.. yang akhir tu macam ni bunyi dia

Dicucuri rahmat. Sayang papa dan baby girl selamanya. 

Lebih kurang.... Mungkin orang ingat dia bakal melupakan segalanya. Mungkin orang ingat dia bakal pergi dan pisahkan kami dengan anak dia. 

Tapi hati orang. Kita tak tahu...

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