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Hilang Dalam Angin

2013. terasa janggal saat ini. tahun ini aku mulakan dengan serba kekurangan.

Bonda masih belum boleh berjalan.

Ayahanda masih lemah di pembaringan.

aku masih belum genggam jenama empat rata sepanjang hidup aku lagi.

dan yang paling utama,

ini tahun pertama kami tanpa arwah Abangku tersayang.

Jika satu masa aku boleh jumpa dia. untuk 5 saat pun aku sanggup.

aku nak peluk dia sampai dia hilang dalam angin.

lepas tu aku janji, aku takkan nangis lagi merindui dia, sebab aku puas.

biar dia hilang dalam anggin ketika aku ralit peluk dia erat-erat.

Dear

She picked up the sharp pieces of glass that had scattered off from a tall cylindrical glass carefully, she put them in the trash can. She then stopped picking it up out of the blue. She stared the hallway. She was hoping to see a figure of the man she loved. But all that came into her moist eyes were the hollow sunlight rays that were dancing through the thin peach curtains. She sighed. Deeply, she closed her eyes, balls of pearls flowed through the closed eye lids. Warmth of the silent tears comfort her at these times. She swept away those broken glasses, wiped the wet floor with white kitchen towel and decided to take a walk.

"Why?" She asked herself while walking the pavement.

"Is everything I do, wrong?" She started analyzing herself.

She walked. And kept walking. But she stopped thinking. Her mind wandered off seeing how beautiful life actually is. How she wished to have that life. Where everything is meaningful. What's left with her life now is that she had lost the point. She had forgotten why.

The sound of car at high speed behind her. Headed towards her.

Kerinduan........... result?

Actually, i have no intentions of sharing my previous result. it is not as inspirational as it should be. I have been facing problems and it affects me. So shame on me. ciri-ciri orang yang berjaya, dia tidak menjadikan masalah yang dihadapi sebagai satu alasan untuk tidak berjaya. And i would like to take this small opportunity to congratulate my collegians for your excellent results and for those who have not yet succeeded like me, consider yourself as still learning and like my late brother had always said, "tak cukup usaha lagi lah tu.."

Enough about that.

Actually, i miss my Abewa. my late big brother. sometimes i wonder where he is. "kenapalah wa nih tak balik2 rumah... haaaih" aku selalu lupa yang dia dah pun kembali ke rumah asalnya Ramadhan yang lalu. Gambar sahajalah jadi pengganti. Dan kami berbual melalui surat Yaasiiin yang ak selalu hadiahkan untuk beliau. Kesan daripada kemalangan itu kami hadapi sampai sekarang, dah hampir 6 bulan. Kadang- kadang terdetik untuk putus asa. terdetik. mainan syaitan.

yes, its true when they say people listens to you more when you're dead.
fond memories :)

p/s: leave it all out here tergantung sebab madam dah nak suruh keluar :(

2012

Actually I have been writing and erasing this entri a lot. I know what I should write. I even have written it. And read it. But I erased it. It's more to a self-conflict issues. heh. I am sure I erased it because it is in Bahasa. I have a strong wall of shyness. I think that if I write in English, no one will ever understand what I am going to write or even worse than that, they will misunderstood. Dang! That will be such a disaster!

Truly from my heart, even though the year hasn't yet pass by completely, this year is some year for me. its not an easy year. it paced a lot of holes in me and my family and a few of my friends' too. The year that has increased our strength, by taking away happiness to be replaced with something even better in the end; if we believe.

Tomorrow is going to set my life's future, partially. The results are coming out.

FREAKED OUT! 

Tergendala

Assalamualaikum.
and the saying goes excitedly; "I am BACK!"
Rasa semakin hidup sejak akhir-akhir ni. Mungkin sebab hidup aku dah kembali teratur seperti dulu.
atau dengan lebih baik lagi. Keadaan di rumah bukanlah sama dengan dulu. bahkan, tak sama langsung. its a 180 degrees flipped. Dan tiada kata yang dapat menggambarkannya. Sekarang tengah kelas di computer lab. I have so much to say actually. So many promises to execute. So many thoughts and stories. Just so many that I would love to share here in this blog. I just hope that I have the time. Masa walaupun ia perlu dicuri, ia tetap masa. tetap mempunyai makna.

Apa yang penting, Alhamdulillah, i am back on track. And i will always be after this.
To be honest, a slight regret is haunting me. Just a slight; that i broke down since that accident.
But i know i am just a normal humanbeing, i make mistakes. i have to break down sometimes.

Till then. Tuhan, terima kasih, aku tak lagi tergendala macam sebelum ni. :D

p/s: lecturer has given assignments. gotta go now.