Not A Bad Thing

"I know people make promises all the time
Then they turn right around and break them
When someone cuts your heart open with a knife, now you're bleeding
But I could be that guy to heal it over time
And I won't stop until you believe it
'Cause you're worth it"

I have every right to be doubtful, thoughtful and protective over myself. I might not use the rights fully since him. But I take that risk, put myself standing on a bridge for the first time. Have faith in everything I see is worthy of him.

I believe that this is not a bad thing so let me keep it with me.

He is now standing before The Almighty on the closest land a slave can be standing. I pray that He will give him of what he asks and the better for He is the All Knowing.

And it is before Him that I am always in fear.
The fear of how He has all the power in the world to change things. To put something in your heart and to take it away.

Dont take this away.


 Not A Bad Thing 

Te Amo

I have been building walls around me for as long as I lived, ever since I knew that even the deepest love can betray you. By betray I mean mistakes made by human being. There was a time when I forgot that we are made to learn from mistakes everyone makes. I forgot that we can be wrong. Can be hurtful to others especially to the ones we love. Can be. To avoid those possibilities, I built walls I believed would protect me because Allah knows what I have been through. Its not a cruel world. My world is not cruel and mean and faithless nauzubillah. It is just filled with a lot of lessons the hard way or another, you have to learn from it.

Love. So what is it really means?

Love is when you know it is love.

Love, is when I shower my her with pricey, limited edition scrub bath cream instead of a regular one for one hour and entertain her with stories she would love to hear. Love, is when I massage her tired back caused by excessive long hours of just sitting down and laying down. Love, is when I listen to her babbling about the house and shut her up with a kiss on her old wrinkled cheeks. Love, is when I can massage her feet with olive oil until she fell asleep snoringly. Love, is when I look at her and I receive rewards, calamity and strenght. Love, is when I had to wake up bedore every dawn to help her with her needs with annoying sounds of complaining but be forgiven the second she gets what she need. Love, is when i dont have my walls surrounding me when i can say anything and not be afraid.

I miss this old lady and I dont even realize it. She cant be not around. She cant go anywhere else without me letting her to. She must stay in whatever condition she is.
Because this is whom I have said I love you to although I am biologically set to love her.

Love, is when you dont even realize that you miss him that every second of thinking is about him. Eh, wrong topic.

I love my Mak.

I think

You see the your own way and none of the others on earth would see it the way you do. No one would understand and yet you moved forward with your seeing. You are unstoppable at thinking what is striking you out. You dont know if you are this low, or do you still have your pride. You're just striked out.

Striking out is one thing. What comes with it is another. You have explored your potentials into something new. But still, are you this low? Or everything can be done in the name of love? Oh yes, if love can be the only solution for the hardest riddle in the world, there'll be no war. So you guess no one knows what love can do to you.

You dont feel losing out to the decision you've made. The decision to fulfill your curiousity so you are not low. At least you feel like it. Oh yeah and words my dear. They matter. Whatever you say matters. We get used to each other telling stories of what we will be (Ameen!). But certain words, they mean to change a heart, gives or crushes hope or even by words, you can kill. So you'll be careful with your words.

You are not low. You do not lose your pride nor your belief. You do things. Make things certain. Make things scatter. Try out a few moves you thought can never be made by you. Realize how crazy you are and move forward.

We make deals. Just to make sure we'll be okay. But you are chosen to have my faith, so we'll always be okay. Take care of my faith.

By using 'you', I mean I.

Ich lieber dich.

Tacenda

You have your rights and wrongs. And those who would cope with one of it. And those who can cope with both. And when you found out who, you'll know who.
Who worth your tears.
Or just some laugh.

Untitled

How do I do this? Hmm. Let me start with bismillah..

I know a long time ago about love and everything it teaches the human being. How illogical a person can be for that someone they want as their soulmate. And yes, sesungguhnya manusia itu diciptakan berpasang-pasangan. And i have absolutely no power to detest that. But i was wondering how can a person like me which i dont even think i know can be infecting anyone at all with love. I am well-known as a heartless prick who would only find love with a man is rather a waste of money, time and energy. But little that i know...

Be my bestfriend as always and we'll see how it goes from there. Because i have this childish fantasy of mine that i would love to have one bestfriend to keep until the day i die. Because with bestfriends, i dont need make ups, high heels, and pretty rosmah covers. I dont have to cover my ugly laugh, juling eyes and weird expressions I'd just be me whom i love the most in my life haha.

If i would choose you to spend the rest of my life and my akhirah with, its because of one reason. Your faith to Allah Taa'la. So do take care of that and remind me to take care of mine. The devil sure knows ways to make use of feelings and emotions; enough to make Adam and Eve be dispelled from heaven.

I hate uncertainties. I am so afraid of it i might runaway.
But do remember the second time you said love, i said okay.

Break

What actually breaks you?

Usually fear. Fear of losing and let go. Everyone must have felt it. Why do we do that exactly?

Sedangkan kita tahu semuanya tidak kekal? Dan yang kekal itu cuma Tuhanmu. Memang lah lumrah manusia kita berharap pada hati manusia. Tapi kita juga dikurniakan akal fikiran. Dan sebagai muslim, ada cara untuk kita tangani kegusaran hati. Dan Allah janji, setiap dugaan yang datang itu kita mampu tangani. Jadi kenapa bersedih berlebih lebih? Kalau lupa, maafkan diri sendiri tu. Sabar, ingatlah kalau bukan rezeki kita yang tu, ada yang lain. Tapi kalau itu lah kita punya, itulah kita punya.

So, what actually breaks you?

Most would say losing the people they love the most in life. So you have loved. Whose is it that you love? Whose? Is he yours? No. So get over it. Get back on your feet. If you lose them by death, they dont need to be dead to you. Let them be alive in your hearts for hearts are the place to nurture who you are. Choose wisely of who comes in and goes out.

So do you really break?

I dont think so.

Feedback

Assalamualaikum.
Its been a while that i've written in my blog. Maybe because i am okay with life (Noticed that most of my entries was sad, wrecked and ridiculous) haha. Or maybe i just dont have anything useful to share with everyone.

This is actually a feedback to  fresh new blog.

I started blogging because writing is my best way to express my thought, my feelings and whatever else that a homo sapien needs to express. It is basically an expression. Just an expression. I tried not letting you to read it because i have people who hated me because of what i wrote. They cannot accept that i write things because i feel things and think of things so they hate me; instead of hating what i did (blog) and talk it through, they just hate and left. But i dont have anything to regret about that.

So you. Instead of being just a friend, you've been a great one. Who actually think i am kind, understanding, yadda yadda yadda whatever. The best part is that you are a patient friend to me. I have never thought i'd have one like you. Its not easy to keep up with me, we've been busy together and you know better. You are a caretaker. And all there is that is bad or good are good in my eyes because i take you as a gaygaygay friend of mind so dont worry you're good as long as you keep doing what you're doing. But, gay i am overly grateful that i have you in Medan. Heee

Anyways, make your blog counts in people's life. May it be that you have only one follower, who cares! I have about 14 or so but i dont mind, as long as they are the ones who has been there for me all along, be it i never had any comments or views they dont actually matter. What matters is what you write. Of course i had stupid and thoughtless entries, its my blog anyways. Feel free to leave a question or comment on my entries if you ever feel free enough to read it.

By the way, i am an open book. I think i have been opening up to you about almost everything that has happened in my life. So, if you think there's something i am hiding, i dont

People comes and goes so easily in my life. I just hope this one stays for if he goes, it is somewhere i want him to be. Okay? Okay.