MEN OF STEEL

I never intended to make silly grammar or typing error by making the title MEN instead of MAN of steel. 

There is one sole reason why i decided to avoid watching Man of Steel since it's premieres in Malaysia. 

That is simply because I do not believe in Henry Cavill to bring out the Superman I'd hope to be. 

The good looking Superman. Seriously, I thought the Henry Cavill would spoil that with his dark curly almost braided hair. 

Two-hours ago, I broke this decision. I watched the movie. Intensified and guilty with what I was doing, I was amazed. All this while, I thought the movie sells because of the name, and history. I was wrong entirely. Henry Cavill in this movie is so far one of the most beautiful man I have ever seen. 

But there is always something more than just looks. Cavill delivered well.  

Kal-El was the only natural born son of Krypton. The only one, He was the key towards his own mankind but he chose what was good for the mankind he had become. He chose to save the responsibility which was left to him by history. He chose to be a Superman. Kal-El, was a history made fiction who figured out his mission from history. To ensure that Earth does not end up like Krypton. But he waited for himself, and Earth to be ready for him. He waited and took a leap of faith when his steel is ready.

History does matters. We came from History. I am a malay, living in Malaysia and on top of all a Moslem from history. Human being running around in my world trying to figure out why they are living because they forget how important history is.

I should wait too, right?

I know why I live now. I mean I knew it all along but I never had realized it should be this important. (Not from Henry Cavill oh please!)

I thought I am just ordinary. I thought everyone is ordinary.

But we are not. Everyone has their own steel that is made for a purpose. 

I have always wondered, How can it be that we all are made differently with no purpose? Isn't that just a plain stupidity? God is God. The Almighty and all the compliments are for Him. How can we be made purposeless? 

LISTEN TO ME, WE ARE NOT JUST ORDINARY.  

I am neither ordinary nor Superman. 

We are the Men of Steel, and our purpose is islam.

If this is too hard for you to understand or you think this is just some plain Islamic blog entry which is made by a wannabe famous somewhat... i would suggest for you to look back. Turn the pages in your history book. Stare at your muslim name, find it's meaning. Think as far as you could but remember that the closest thing to you shall be death and there will be life after death. 

Find your steel, or as for me I earn one and nurturing one and one day my steel will unite with all you Muslim back to our golden age.

Wallahua'lam.

A despicable design

this world is designed to break your heart.

There will be souls who is made to be yours. whether they are your blood, or your water; they will be yours at your worst stake. I have a mother who was loved by everyone, figuratively and literally. She was loved.

when she had her perfect health. So did my father. So did my gone brother. they were all loved and cherished. And their existence were embraced by everyone who met their eyes on them. They were loved by so many countless persons who claimed themselves families, relatives, friends or even daughters of different origins. But that countless bits, turned to barely can even be accounted to be with these three beloved people of mine at their worst stake. Be there blood nor water; no relations in the world could ever proceed themselves to be at service of good deed when we needed them to.

This design of a human being is my utmost fear. My worst pain and nightmare whatever i should call them; it is not a good word for any noble mouth to bear. I never thought of forgetting any good deeds a person would have given me. If I am at the very capability to repay any, I promise I would. The design of people in which forgets is one upsetting design.

The design who forgets that we do not live in this world for this world. The design which forgets why we are even living here in this world. To please who? Oh please, I do not beg for you to be fine and act nice to my mother, father nor my late brother's honor. They are just human beings who bound to make every mistake they can here. But, I do beg you to be as honest and as sincere to every soul you do good deeds with. Do it heartfully for your God whom your servitude is compulsory. Because we, are in our shortest way to come back to Him.

What differentiates my three beloved people in the past and present days are their health. And of course my brother had already returned to where we all are belonged to. Both my parents were tough guards, who would sacrifice anything to give help sincerely to any living souls who asked them. Who keeps their children in the perfection we need. Now, they are not anymore capable of running around helping people. Their pace has become slow but arising steadily. Allah knows what we had gone through. Alhamdulillah, my late brother; people spoke nice of him. He was the best among us the siblings and yes, people will start listening when you're dead.

At our worst stake, my dead brother would be there for us. Now that he's gone, God showed us most people who is well designed to crush and torn us apart. Parasites. At our worst stake, we were left by just us. This is a world to be grateful for, trust me no sarcasm in this. You will be surprised how close you were and how actually you are in distance with someone. 

When you have less to offer the world, the world leaves you.

These people may have cooked your everyday meals, braided your hair, praised you day and night, let you play with their child and bonded with them like your own blood. One fine day, under any circumstances they will be just gone. All you have left are memories and distances you never knew was there all along.

And do not expect people who are designed this way are the least in the world. Around you, they will be plenty, outruns the number of days you have lived even. Do not expect these people to come back to you without the same reason they had before. Do not expect they would see how you are in pain when they choose to leave you. Lastly, do not expect that this design is not in you. Nauzubillah.

I just hate to see my people got hurt by this design. My beautiful family do not need these kinds of people coming in, act nice and gone in a split of a second. My parents had enough to bear, these additions of bad designs cannot be here anymore. Not in a time that I am not there with them. They have had enough.

So, dear Allah who I turn to in my happiness, and sadness. Make these design go away in a blink of our eyes. Keep us and only us to hurt to teach, and to love unconditionally of our blood. Spare our parents Your great compassion and make us strong by the most tender lessons. Grant their prayers your mercy and generosity. Protect them at all times. Make their hearts think of only to please You and by it make them happy in this Dunia and Aakhirah.

Amin.

About why.

So i decided to take a rest. My flu desperately needs it.
I have anatomy and parasitology exam tomorrow. Parasitology is basically done.
Anatomy, i need fresh consentration instead of sneezing all the way.

I dreamt of going to places that needs the world's attention. Joining MERCY and stuff like that. I love the idea of helping people with whatever you are capable of.

I love volunteerism. I love giving though i may be stingy at times. I live making people happy somehow it enjoys me. Like for now i discovered how good a cook i am. I enjoy making good food and share it with everyone i can. At least i think they were good.

I entered medicine for reasons i couldn't explain. Most part of it, i do it for my parents. But now, i have gotten too far involved personally. Until i think everyone should learn what i am still learning in this field. It's so wide, so after world.

The more i learn, the more i feel lacked. I feel theres more to it that i should think of.

I may lose a lot of things coming to Medan. But i can assure you i am working my ass of to gain more. To gain most. And share most of me to anyone who desires me to.

Make me useful, i love it.

Know and Knew

I never meant to hurt anyone. But if i do, i will never have the strength to let them know i want to hurt them.

You see, Allah works in the most mysterious way. One day, you're at the top the next you'll never know.
In high school, my friends knew me as a person with a very honest tongue. I speak of what i feel. I was judgmental and failed to see what's best in people. I failed to reach out to the possibility that any person in the world would turn out to be better in future. I failed to treat people as good as i am but as bad as i thought they were. My ego was up high.

In my prayers, i never missed asking Allah to make me better everyday. I am a strong believer that life is a learning process but my expectations were not wide enough. In fact, it was so narrow it brought shame to me today.

I did wrong to some of my friends. I arrogantly assumed that they did not take the chances to be better when we had it- when we were at school, being taught and provided with generosity of our teachers and seniors giving lessons about life, religion. And that attitude had never made me better.

First day i came to Medan, i was placed with new friends. Friends with characters i thought only exists in movies. I had no choice but to adapt. It takes time but surely i will, the easy way or another. Plus, i am adapting with the new environment as well so why not take two wheels.

As i was placed far away from my finest friendships, i start working on building another. I absolutely cannot find the same friendships i had, but why not try building a better one. Or at least similar to what i had. Been four months, still building up. Holding up.

I learn so many new things, you see. My ego, my loudness, my assumptions of people i knew and just know starts falling apart. I was a know-it-all. I thought i knew a lot of people's character but apparently not.

I love seeing that actually, my friends back in high school knew the chances they had to be good. But they needed time. I forgot how hard it was to make changes to myself. I forgot that there was once when i was given the good chance and i took the time taking it. I forgot that i was worse. My self-righteousness is over whelming.

As for now, i give chances to myself. Give time to accept and always think of my flaws, my mistakes, how worse that i was. I teach a lot of patience to myself, rolling down my temperament. I try to stop assume and i see the best i people. I remind myself that this person has the potential of being better than me. A lot of reflections do miracle things to me.

Oh i really dislike the phrase "better than me". I'll work that out too.

And most importantly, i would love to be good to everyone. As good as i can be, not as bad as my bad mind think they are.

Still teaching myself some good things.

Not yet

Hi.

I had the days when i wonder when will it be my time to have different feelings for someone.

I thought for once when i met you, when i know how easily you make me laugh, i thought that was the time. But i doubt it, it was just the sense of humor you have in yourself or its just some plain law of attraction for an ordinary girl like me to like that character of a man.

So, i observed more. Maybe it was you or maybe its not. Yea, i like you. They call it crush, i call it playing dots. And you have a girlfriend, tho. I will not become in between of something.
Never.

Then i got a text from my Dad. Calling me sayang, and a plain explanation of what happened that day back at home.

And things we had ended at the same time. We never had seen each other out of that circle. And i take this as a sign from the Almighty.

Not yet, Adibah.

My dad, he is the only man who loves me this much. A much where nobody else in the World except for Allah to love me. It is normal tho, for me to love and hope for a stranger to love me back.

At the right time, the right place there will be the right man.

For now, im all my Daddy's. And the one who can love me the way he has, (never as much that he does) i'll be waiting but not yet. Let me fulfill my responsibility as his girl first.

Just not yet.

Lights

As if the lights are going to be turned off forever; i tasted that.
As if life has becoming tireful and boring.
As if theres no one but you.

Light; illumination to make you see. One of the needs to make your eyes work.

To make hearts vibrant out of lumpiness.
This is one of Allah's biggest test for me, Light.

The Nuzul Quran Day last year, he turned off one of the brightest light in my life.
He took back my brother.
And the whole year has been rather challenging and distressing. The whole one year has been pushing patience and temper to their limits.
But Alhamdulillah, He light us up with a lot of Hikmah.

I never thought of my late brother as gone, dead. He never did. Yes, we did cry missing his presence. We remember his words of wisdom. People are right, we will start to listen to someone when they are dead. The whole time, we took it for granted.
My brother; he was always there. Here; inside our hearts. Mistakenly sometimes i stand in front of the door of our house hoping he'll come by. He always stayed for couple of nights. Cook and had iftar with us. Cook sahur while listening to sinar fm. He did all that. He enlightened our days.

Am grateful, for everything. Alhamdulillah he went away on a great day. Ramadhan, Nuzul Quran. What a blessing, Wa.

Light,
Have gone to rest. Have lived to enlighten.
Mak never stop praying for you. Doa seorang Mak untuk Wa hanyalah syurga.

Now, its our job to teach your son. Definitely will teach him to pray for you.

Jadikan dia harta terindah yang kau tinggalkan atas dunia ni, my brother.

In shaa Allah.

Beautiful

Hello.

It has been a little while since i last thought about really beautiful and smooth kinda things.

My life has been pretty rough. hmm..

so, what's so beautiful?

babah and mak. perfect health. on vacay.

beautiful, isnt it? i miss this. like, i dont care if i have to lose my academics or anything or even my life. if i can get this beauty moment again, i will. beautiful.

Jatuh Sayang

salam a'laik.

Entri kali ini khas buat kehidupan matrikulasi aku yang tinggal bersisa ini.
Memang harus aku akui, pada permulaannya matriks ni bukan kerelaan aku sepenuh hati. Tapi aku tak pernah berhenti berusaha untuk teriam kehidupan aku disini. Terima seadanya keputusan SPM aku yang membuatkan aku tidak layak untuk ke program asasi sains. Dan, pada pertengahan tempoh aku berada di sini, aku sangat diuji. Selalu aku tinggalkan KMS untuk melunaskan tanggungjawab aku terhadap keluarga tercinta. Keluarga yang memerlukan sokongan moral yang padu.  Alhamdulillah, satu-satu aku harungi dengan penuh kesyukuran kepada Ilahi. Terima kasih, Allah atas kudrat dan nikmat yang telah kau berikan.

"when you look less at the hardships, the door to happiness becomes wide open"

 That's what i have always been doing in life. maybe that is my secret to be happy when i shouldnt. heh.

Berbalik kepada tajuk entri kita.

Aku jatuh sayang pada rakan2 di KMS.

Sebab mereka ini, yang Allah takdirkan untuk membantu aku dalam segala hal. sentiasa bersedia untuk aku. MasyaAllah, mereka ini tergolong dalam sahabat2 yang terbaik. Rakan sebilik, rakan sekelas, rakan kenalan. Semua yang aku kenal. TERBAIK. terima kasih kerana telah menerima aku seadanya. terima kasih untuk segalanya.

hmm. dan softball. im in love with you!

Alhamdulillah, atas segala kurniaanMu, aku sedar ini jalan terbaik buat aku.
InsyaAllah, kawan2, we will have our happy ending, okay. dont worry, be happy.
hakuna matata.

Irresistable

Assalamualaikum.

First and foremost, I am not a Directioner.

But nobody should deny their good music.

yes, their good as really damn good music at certain levels. heh.

WARNING: THIS ENTRY MIGHT BE SO CHEESY that you would think that you dont know me.

Ironically. nak dijadikan cerita, baru- baru ni aku bermimpi sesuatu yang indah. Dalam islam ada mengajarkan bahawa benda yang baik-baik mestilah dikongsikan bersama. Hihihi.

nak cerita mimpi itu full story aku tak berapa ingat pula. Tapi yang pasti ada seorang lelaki ni. serba putih tapi bukan berjubah, tapi ber-tshirt dan seluar. bercahayaaaaaaaaaaaa. rupa paras yang aku tak ingat, tapi yang aku tahu aku suka sangat bila dia senyum. i mean like i really love the smile.

And there's a fact about me and my dreams. I never and dont and pretty rarely dream about guys and men that i am not aware of their existence. yang kenal pun cukup jarang sampai aku boleh kata TIADA yang pernah masuk dalam mimpi aku.

But when i woke up, i really am upset that i wish to back into that dream and see him smile again. But, i am glad to have found that smile. it really give some sort of peace in my cloudy heart. cloudy heart? whatever. And i wish to see him again in my dreams. in reality? no. Not yet.

 

Don't try to make me stay
Or ask if I'm okay
I don't have the answers
Don't make me stay the night
Or ask if I'm alright
I don't have the answer

Heartache doesn't last forever
I'll say I'm fine
Midnight ain't no time for laughing
When you say goodbye.

It makes your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes irresistible.

I've tried to ask myself
Should I see someone else?
I wish I knew the answer.

But I know, if I go now, if I leave
Then I'm on my own tonight
I'll never know the answer.

Midnight doesn't last forever
Dark turns to light
Heartache flips my world around
I'm falling down, down, down,
That's why.


It's in your lips and in your kiss
It's in your touch and your fingertips
And it's in all the things and other things
That make you who you are and your eyes irresistible.

It makes your lips so kissable
And your kiss invincible
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes,
Your eyes, your eyes, your eyes
Irresistible.

Mati

Assalamualaikum.

Mungkin sudah terlalu lama aku ucapkan salam buat hamba Allah yang lain yang berselisih denganku. Kerap aku rindui rutin sebegitu, makin kita tua makin kita tak mahu beramal dengan ilmu yang kecil dan seringkas ini. 

Mati.

Berapa kali dalam sehari kita berfikir tentang mati?

Berapa kali dalam sehari kita bercakap tentang mati?

Berapa kali dalam sehari kita sedar bahawa setiap saat kita menghela nafas, kita tahu besar kemungkinannya untuk kita mati dalam saat yang seterusnya.

Berapa?

Mungkin 0 kali.

Tapi bukan pasal mati yang aku nak puitiskan kali ni. Bukan aku ingin mengingatkan kepada semua dan diri aku sendiri bahawasanya mati itu perkara yang terdekat dengan kita. BUKAN. 

Tapi aku hendak bercerita tentang impian. Impian sebelum mati. Impian semasa mati. 

Sebelum mati, 

macam biasalah, kita ni hendak, kita ni manusia maka kita BERKEHENDAK.

rata-rata; kita hendak jadi manusia yang baik, manusia yang berguna, manusia yang berjaya. Klise semua tu. kadang-kadang, naik muak kita dengar, kita pasang cita- cita dan impian sebegitu rupa.

kadang-kadang kita terlupa, sebenarnya yang kita cari atas dunia ni apa.

yang kekal itu alam akhirat esok lusa.

itu kita lupa. Mungkin sebab kita belajar tinggi. kita terlupa hendak jadi hamba yang merendah diri.

Tapi, kali ini kita tukar, tambah sikit impian klise kita.

kita nak ilmu tentang mati, tentang jenazah, tentang alam yang esok.

kita nak jadi orang yang kapankan mak kita, babah kita; walaupun kita yang mungkin pergi dulu.

Sekurang-kurangnya kita ada impian itu. bukan kita berharap mak babah kita mati awal, bukan. Kita cuma tak nak, makcik-pakcik tua JKK tu yang kafankan, mandikan mak babah kita. sebab kita sayang mak babah kita. kita nak buat lembut- lembut, baik- baik untuk mereka ni. kalau makcik pakcik tu kafankan mereka macam tegangkan cadar, takkan kita nak marah, kita kan tak reti. kali terakhir untuk menyentuh mereka di atas dunia ni; takkan nak lepaskan kepada orang-orang surau semata?  tak rindu kah nanti?  tak kempunan nak sentuh mak babah? tak? 

Maka kita pasang impian untuk lengkapkan diri dengan ilmu tentang kematian. Moga-moga saat kita mati nanti anak kita pula uruskan kita sebagaimana kita dengan mak babah kita. insyaAllah.

Semasa mati.

kita nak jadi imam buat mak babah kita masa solat jenazah. kita nak buat yang paling afdhal buat mak babah. sebagai satu hadiah terakhir daripada atas dunia. tapi kita tak mampu, kita ni perempuan. adik beradik perempuan semua. Terasa sedih tak terdaya. macam mana kita nak buat yang terbaik?

Maka kita pasang impian, kita nak cari seorang pelindung kita, yang boleh lakukan apa yang kita tak terdaya. Seorang lelaki yang boleh jadi imam. yang sayangkan mak babah kita macam kita sayangkan mereka. yang boleh doakan mak babah sambil airmata bercucuran penuh ikhlas. Moga-moga anak kita kelak dapat buat sebegitu untuk kita. insyaAllah.

Last but not least, i really hope that this video spreads. to the parents, to the kids. sound effects are so effective.

UAI feat Ustaz Don

Nabi pesan; kalau ada benih harini tapi esok kiamat, tanam benih tu harini. Nabi tak pernah ajar kita terlambat. - ustaz don.