sometimes you forgot to pray.

Sometimes love just aint enough

Now, I don't want to lose you

but I don't want to use you

Just to have somebody by my side.

And I don't want to hate you,

I don't want to take you

but I don't want to be the one to cry

And I don't really matter to anyone anymore.

But like a fool I keep losing my place

I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody to much

and it's bad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are

Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

Now, I could never change you,

I don't want to blame you.

Baby, you don't have to take the fall.

Yes, I may have hurt you

but I did not desert you.

Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder

it makes me feel like rain.

And like a fool who will never see the truth

I keep thinking something's gonna change.

And there's no way home

when it's late at night

And you're all alone.

Are there things that you wanted to say?

And do you feel me beside you in your bed

there beside you where I used to lay

when i dont fuel my car, occasionally it will burn out.

so this is how people have been doing it. 

i hate it because i always wanted to be consitent in this.

and tried to be my best version.

but it doesnt pay off.

the trust i gave,

the things we been through.

i was being understanding, i

but it was only tolerance because i accept my foolishness 

of not being able to understand.

and you know how tolerance go.

it occasionally will burn out

if you take it lightly

and there will be people who cared enough to fuel it again.

i cannot teach, i am not a teacher.

but this feelings i am having, 

they are taking so much of me.

worriness, love, pain, longings, hurt

things im not familiar to care with

when you said, 

"can we take a break?" i know you were not questioning. 

it wasnt a choice for me.

and it never gets better.

i dont know how to get better.

i tried patience

i tried laughing

i tried reasonings

i tried pulling tides

and pushing you

i tried kindness

i tried using space, giving space.

but you always needed more.

the one thing i havent tried is

to let go.

its risky but only i can save me 

i know you tried too.

but you did better

this fear you have surrounding you

and the unwillingness to share it with me

its frightens me

how we change and you not see.

how can i mingle

when i am not needed?

i truly do not know how

how can i stay 

when my questions are left unanswered?

i want to be apart of your life

anywhere you are

but if i can only be in one part of it

its heartbreaking

oh! all this same old talks, you know better.

i love me 

and i love you.

but i am burnt out.

mula dan akhir

hidup ini bermula

tanpanya ada apa apa

begitu juga lah hujungnya

harus pulang cara serupa

seketika disini

persinggahan mencari erti

sebelum waktuku terhenti

setinggi mana pun mendaki

sejauh mana pun berlari

dan mengejar duniawi

pasti tiba satu hari nantiku di uji

jatuh terpinggir sepi

sungguh aku yang tak bisa

menghalang suratan yang sudah

di arah hanya bermampu bersabar

dan sujud pada nya sebelum

di hitung sebelum dihukum

hanya mampu lafazkan bisik bisik taubat

moga diputihkan segalanya

seringkali terlupa melalui jalan yang salah

leka dan hanyut dalam dosa sehingga kabur mata jiwa

seketika di sini persinggahan mencari erti

sebelum waktu terhenti

The fact that you always have choices but refuse to consider.

The fact that you keep on thinking about all the good things just to make sure you dont go astray.

The fact that some other people paid more attention to you than people you expect more attention from.

The fact that you realize everything.

The fact that you are just you.

And the goal is to graduate real soon so that this mess here, stays here. With all the good great thing?

I wish i can bring home those goodies.
Fact that i can just wish.

Time was unhealing for us. It was rather pulling the tides between myself and what i am going to do. I know i dont own my heart or anyone elses.

I dont know how far i can go with this thought. But i do know it was respect that i was looking for in this world. Not too high so that people bow when they look at me. But enough so that they behave in front of me. Because Allah loves good deeds, beautiful manners and souls which get cleanse often enough from coloured they become pure and white again.

It was lacking for me because i lacked. I know respect came when you respect yourselves. Achieve something or write good articles, speak good speach, make life of others more meaningful than it used to be.

I was the girl that make changes in the world. I could speak in two languages better than the native, write essays, articles and letters to spread messages, used good words only when speaking and mannered to all kinds of being. I was that girl.

It suddenly hit me when i looked in the mirror nowadays and see myself so frightened and dependent. My heart has become so stiff as stone. I could look away from an elderly who lives beside my house when all he wanted was a salam despite his dismannered assistant.

I could do that now.
I never thought i could.

I now can ignore certain behaviour of people. Which is good sometimes because this is a cruel world.

But i realized that wasnt me.

I am someone who cares if my neighbour talked bad behind me. Who would smile the scariest smile even if i do not like what that person does to me.

Well, it wasnt a self-compliment. Its just my weakness that i have to do it because i do not own anything in this world. Its Allah's.

But i think im losing.