I raised my white flag today. I understand that I am nothing you need at home. I would do anything you can ever ask me, I will definitely do it. I won’t hope for money in return. I won’t ask you to kiss my cheeks every morning before you go to work. I won’t ask you to stay at home more often than you have. I won’t ask for anything but one. Recognition. Yes, can you recognize me as I am and not anyone else? Can you not make havoc about my little achievements in academic even if you think they are big and successful? Recognize me as your daughter as the way I am already am now and live happily with whatever I desire? Because I can’t be anyone you want me to. I can’t fulfill that, I am truly, deeply sorry. Please, I am begging you. I have weaknesses that I, myself hate but I can’t put it aside. They are a part of me. Can you recognize them and accept my weaknesses unconditionally? I guess everything I asked is too much for a pathetic, useless and unwanted child like me. I hope I never scored my exams. I hope I never entered that high prestige school. I hope I could be home for that five years and received your attention as fair as the others. I hope she could realize how lucky she is to be homed longer than anyone else. I hope there are still other people out there who can love me unconditionally. I must give up, I know. Because I can’t bear to write and cry, to wash the dishes and cry, to hide my face and cry, to lock myself up in a room that doesn’t even belong to me and cry. I have to stop hurting myself. I hope they know me better so that I won’t cry anymore. How can I call this place a home if I have to cry whenever I’m in it? Well, that’s my white flag hanging around my shoulder – meaning for me to stop trying to win your heart which I think as selfish. Screw me, thinking of my parents like that. Maybe that’s me. Not them, what a shame, I just don’t care anymore. Cukuplah, aku dah bosan, putus asa, dan terlampau malas.
'
No comments:
Post a Comment