fiction to be restrained

the topic is simple, yet the issue is complicated to talk about. and think about.

as a girl, restrain is a huge word.

as so, i looked into his hazel eyes, hoping he would understand, what i felt.

i felt like being obligated to hear him, listen to his problems, his worries about this endless world.

but he didnt understand. he was passionately telling his stories. and my heart screamed out to let him know. but he didnt. he just didnt know. so, i let it passed. tomorrow, same thing went again.

somehow, i wondered for how long could i contain this feelings? i thank god for letting me to have this beautiful feelings. one day, i read a spiritual information for fools like me on the BADAR notice board.

janganlah kamu biarkan kami mencurahkan segala rasa hati kepada kamu, takut-takut, kamu, para muslimah menjadi bahan bayangan kami. dan, sesungguhnya, seorah perempuan yang beriman tidak patut menjadi bayangan mana-mana lelaki.

 i startled. i do like him. only god knew how i felt for him. but i didnt want to be the one for his lust! never! what  made us spendt most of our times were because of him telling his dirty little secrets to me. that felt so wrong  right now. so, i prayed that he would stop. i prayed with tears, if it meant that we had to go on our way if that what god's willing, so we had to go. 
you just had to be a fiction of mine. and i had to restrain myself. keep restraining from any man's desirous deeds. 
and i believe, the time will come soon.. for me to stop-.

lastly, i want you to take notice that,