akan aku lari

kalau itu jadi rasa

kalau aku rasa mati,

jadi aku selalu berlari.

aku suka lari sebab aku tak rasa

cungap-cungap atau apa saja rasa

sudah lah, sikap orang tua jadi racun, pula.

tapi tak elok cari salah orang. jadi aku lah yang salah.

kata-kata jadi racun. 

jai aku tak nak berkata-kata pasal rasa lagi. 

cukup yang ini jadi penutup.

dah lah, aku asyik sakit, jatuh tersungkur pun aku tak kisah dah.

aku tak nak sakitkan orang lain lagi. coret banyak2 untuk hati, untuk ubat hati

tapi tak guna. orang lain pulak rasa sakit sebab coretan aku.

semua serba tak kena. serba sakit.

sebab itu aku rela duduk jauh, tak kisah bumi mana yang aku pijak, kalau aku kisahkan orang, aku sakit.

kalalu aku tak endahkan, aku sunyi. tak apa, sunyi tak sakit.

cukup lah. nanati aku lari jauh, okay. aku tak nak coret lagi pasal sakit aku. 

aku tak nak orang sakit sebab aku.

tak perlu. nampaknya, aku kena tingkatkan EQ.

airmata meleleh.. tak cukup kan?

agar kita bisa aman.

birthdays :)

27 DISEMBER,

dalam hidup aku, ada 4 orang lelaki yang dilahirkan pada hari ini.

heh, ILIYA ISHAMI..

kenal dari sekolah rendah lagi. at first, kitorang gadoh tak ingat dunia.penyapu la, sepak2 n stuff.. memang tak ngam ah kitorang ni. bt time heals all wound, kan? we get along just fine. kat gombak nie, he's the only guy friend yang in contact constantly ngn aku, yang lain... hmm kenal aku lagi atau tak, aku tak tahu la. dulu, budak ni chubby, skarang dah maintain.. haha. n he's a new bracey. sory ah bro, aku citer psl kau dlm blog ni. aku hutang dia BR cake. 

ENCIK AHMAD FIRDAWOS..

bak kata dia, ada seorang je dalam dunia ini yang ada nama macam dia. cikgu yang tersayang ni, cikgu seni aku. penasihat kadet bomba dan selalu join aktiviti dengan kelab kembara. seronoknya cikgu ni, dia selalu dapat jadi guru pengiring yang terbaik. dan, almost setiap kali aku keluar maktab, mesti dia ada. aku akan rindu seorang guru macam dia. tak tahula bila pulak kami akan jumpa, kan? persistent and strict. itulah cikgu aku yang sorang ni. loved by all his students. happy birthday, cikgu.

 BULAT..

ini kali kedua mamat ni masuk blog aku. dekat sini la mula-mula dia nempek (Tekan sini) . budak ni, kawan aku la, stakat ni. <gelak>. you know what bonds us both? secrets and stories. kalau nak ikutkan, aku bukanlah antara jnis kawan2 dia atau orang- orang yang dia biasa tegur kat sekolah... yelah im not a beauty-blonde-bombshell, kan. among those yang popular,aku tak. dia? bolehla. tapi dengan aku, he's down to earth. nak story, banyak sangat pasal dia ni. as a guy, dia boleh masuk list bestfriend kot, same time aku ngn iliya dulu2.

but no one can challenge this guy. memang dia tak kenal aku. aku pon tak kenal dia, tapi dia menang best physical impression dengan aku, and he speaks english! well happy birthday, stranger.

aku tak tak tahu sampai bila relationships yang aku ada ni akan bertahan. aku hanya mampu berharap yang mereka akan jadi apart of my life forever. i have experience being dumped, lost contact and even unremembered at all with my ex-friends. recently pun klik here . and it crashes my heart to thousand pieces, you know.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS! specially for you.

TAMMAT (The End)

aku tak pernah mintak nak sayang kat orang. kadang-kadang, aku nak je mintak untuk tak sayang orang, sebab aku takut mereka tak nak, atau mereka akan sakitkan hati aku lagi. aku hantar mesej kat kawan aku ni, sebab aku nak tahu kedudukan kitorang, kawan lagi ke? hmmm, macam budak2 pulak, kawan ke tak kan. KAWAN. tapi tak kot.. 

salam...

aku tau hg org yg lg baik drpd ak.. tp ap yg hg da buat, tak boleh dipanggil baik. aku sayang friendship kte dulu n seriusly, aku memang tak nak benda2 ni jadi. tp nak buat camana..

kalau aku sensorg yg suka kwn ngn kau pn tak gne gak. kau ada sepenuh hak utk benci aku seumur hidup kau.

cuma lepas ni, sepanjang hayat kau, jgn doakan orang lain yang bukan2 n tolong jgn main2 dgn ap yang kau mintak pada Allah. memang aku bukan org alim pon.. n loq, jgn salah tafsir niat baik org.. especially, kawan2 perempuan kau. aku takut in future, kau takde kawan lagi. aku mintak tolong kau fikir betul2 apa punca ni semua, dtg dr kam ke, aku ke, kau sendiri ke, keisha ke... yang cetus permusuhan ni. kita TAK SEMPURNA, mesti ada silap kita jugak.

salah aku, dosa aku pada kau, tolong maafkan ye, walaupun aku tak pasti yang mana, banyak mana, tapi aku tahu ada. kalau kau perasan hari2 terakhir kita kat sekolah tu, aku ada gak tercari cari masa nak mntak maaf face to face dengan kau, tapi kau macam lari je. tak pun mmg dah takdir. tak apalah, kat sini pun boleh. 

good luck in your upcoming life, aku hrp kau jumpa kwn2 yg jauh lagi baik dari aku n kau. dulu, aku sayang kau, suma org pon, tapi skarang, belum tentu. if kau rasa kam boleh buat kau tersangat happy, go on dengan dia. tapi, if kau rasa berbaloi utk maafkan dia, yang buat kau rasa perit, teruskan.

ini yang kawan aku balas..

owh,,haa a'a,,ak lri..ak mnx maaf ngn owg ak rse ak sla..keon,,ak maaf an dy..yan,,ak maaf an..dini..dy dtg mnx maaf..nad un..haa..tengs syg ak..tp ak rsa ingt da abes da..tp keisha p post kt blog dy uat ak sgt mra..sowie la,,ak mmg xdpt maaf an dy..lst..nytin..salam..

ak xsoh spa2 syg ak;)) syg eklas rite??haa..xpa deba..ang tengking ak ak xdpt tima g..cm tepkir gak,ang spa nk tengkin kt ak an??haa ak tggu t smpai bla ley ilang haa..deba..doa ak owg teranaiya..kta tgk..keyh??..xkesa bek ke brok..kta tgk gak cena dosa penftnah..sma2 kta doa tebek tok dri msing2...dy nk tgl an gme ny??hee..bgos r..tebek tok dy..tebrok tok ak..ak un da fedup..ak xmalu an dy..dy malu an ak..smpai msa gak an ak un kna betindak??tp ak xuat..da owg dok nshat ak..sowie..ckg syahid+ckgu aen un tau mnde ny..dyowg yg nchat an ak..tp myb sla ak doa cntu..but stil my doa..huu,,g la deba..xya kaco ak g..xya nchat ak pape un..i noe myself..paya nk tma blek owg uat taik ngn ak..taniah sbb stia kwn,,mens kt keisha,,ebat!!kwn tebek r!!haa..ak arap msa je ley ubt luka ak tyme ampa suma mai jmpa ak tuh haa..cena un sowie..tuh yg ang da plih..ur choice..u chose,,xpndai bi cm ang haa..bye..

so i guess its the end of our story.. sekarang aku tahu salah aku, menengking orang tak tentu pasal.... astaghfirullah.. aku kah punca friendship aku macam ni? tapi yang pasti aku sedih. 

ini untuk kau, kawan.

sory keisha

sorry le tuleh entri panjang2... aku tak tahu bila nk berhenti bila dah mula...

since dah ada orang tegur kenalah betulkan kesalahn kita, kan?

macam tulah cara nak majukan diri.. sedihnya, tak ramai orang yang faham pasal ni. 

dan hal ini menyebabkan aku rasa nak bunuh orang yang aku sayang ( sebab mereka berada dalam kalangan mereka ini). rasa cam nak tembak diri sendiri je bila rasa macam kena tipu dengan mata sendiri, kan. tak apalah, nasib baik dah ada orang yang buat kesalahn mad\cam itu kat kita, kisha kan? so that kita tak buat di masa hadapan... sayang korang.

sayang

y?

HURT maknanya SAKIT

A story about a very close family friend. She’s hurt most of her lifetime with her family since boarding school. She laughs her best when shes at school. Now? She barely knew how to laugh. Because schools over.

Why?

Why it has to be all in place when you are around and not me?

Why it has to be perfect when you are around?

Why you have to be so memorable?

Why you have to let everyone remember you so much?

Why?

Why it has to be so hurtful when it comes to me?

Why it has to be full with imperfections when I am around?

Why do I have always been forgotten?

Why did I miss everything so big that happen in our house?

Why do I always kept silent if I am jealous?

So it IS about jealousy aint it?

I know I shouldn’t be. We are flesh and blood.

You got to go to everywhere woth the whole family (minus me)

I don’t.

You got everything as you wish. Shoppings and all

I don’t.

You got a brand new phone while you still have yours

I don’t even own one.

Well I know I lost lots of things while I’m in that pleasant and lovely and missed-so-nuch JAIL.

What can I do if people keep stealing from me?

Maybe I am the one with the BIG careless sign.

But I cant see any difference between us about that.

I am really HURT, that’s why Im writing in English. No one would probably understand my language.

How am I HURT while im still at HOME, the place that’s no better than others.

Well this is how. I looked through our pictures,  I wasn’t a lot in there.

Its okay.

Then I remembered, when I called someone who’s having steamboat dinner with the whole family.

While looking into those time picture, obviously theres no me.

But, that was fine. She hanged up the phone before I could even finish talking.

I thought you guys were probably busy with the kids or something.

But the pictures didn’t show that.

You guys were having so much fun. Oh! I knew why that happened,

The day before, I told that someone about my FILTHY results. That’s what I thought.

I kept on blaming myself. But I forgot, they got you at that time.

Remember when you’re still in this country? Seeking knowledge somewhere north, same state as I did.

When Im home and you’re not, Mom called you so many times, sent you photos of what we eat and all.

In my whole 5 years, I could even count the numbers of she calling me. Even during my spm days.

Graduation day? She never knew I had one, this year. I was all alone that day. Her husband didn’t remember my BIG day too. I wasn’t hoping that anyone’s coming. Not even you. But, the fact that nobody’s congratulating me… or even wishes me, “happy graduation day!” It kills me. Couple of movies in my MP4 saved the day, you know.

I don’t want to mention anything else, it would hurt us both. I cant blame anyone else but myself.

I am not a good housemaid.

I am forgetful.

I had bad academic reputation.

I don’t really know how to ask for things I wanted.

I didn’t know how make people feel alive.

I don’t know how to show love.

They have to do everything for you to make you get great results. While me, I don’t have to get all those attention and things like galaxy ace and stuff to have me got great results. They really know how to nail us, didn’t they? Parents know the best, right?

But my friend knows for sure, she cannot hold grudge or feels bad about the ones who had been supporting her so much but she barely sees it. She just wants ‘you’ in the story to become more grateful with her position even if she doesn’t like it. Not liking it doesn’t mean you cant be happy with it. At least, you’re always been the priority. Not the one to be loved and remembered because of a big SCHOOL name, or for being a brainsick. 

maaflah

501 n more

dear kawan,

aku minta maaf atas semua kesalahan aku kat korang. im not perfect and i do make LOTS of mistakes.

terima kasih sebab sudi jadi kawan aku.

terima kasih sebab sabar dengan aku.

kadang kadang kita tak sedar masa dah pun berlalu. tak lama lagi kita SPM..

doakan aku, dan ingat, sekali korang dah jadi kawan aku...

bukan senang nak putus kawan dengan aku tau, cehh

tapi betul... mesti rindu nanti.

ustaz zrai n more

dear cikgu,

saya minta maaf atas segala ketidaksempurnaan yang saya lakukan dalam atau luar kelas.

terima kasih sebab sudi jadi cikgu saya.

mungkin saya nakal dan jahat.

tapi hati saya tak pernah berhenti untuk minta maaf kat cikgu.

terima kasih untuk kesabaran itu cikgu.

dear kakak, along, bewa, nana and beby,

adik minta maaf untuk semua ketidakcukupan tanggungjawab ataupun trersilap kata.

terima kasih atas semua support yang adik terima, it meant a WORLD for me.

terima kasih atas semua privilege sesedap New York Cheese.

terima kasih atas kesabaran membimbing.

my dearest

dear Mak and Babah,

adik tak tahu nak cakap apa.

I LOVE YOU..

dear Allah,

i make sins. so i would like ask for Your forgiveness.

i am not in peace. so i would like to have protection under Your shield.

I LOVE people around me. so i would like you to grant their wishes.

do grant my wish as well, I want 9A+ for SPM 2011.

amiiin.

EVENTs!

ANNUAL DINNER

tema: vintage

mood: flirty huahuahua

muammar, pakwe tak sudi.. :D

gengz

bestfren forever lah kaan..
KAKA n muffler gay

super duper bestie

GRADUATION DAY

mood: sad but alhamdulillah i have so many SUPER BAIK friends!

sesat pulak pakwe sorang.. heh

rindu aku tak, tengah?

rehearsal. 

mardi, me, tennab

adek beradek

my super duper bestieee

gengz

skematik

keisha n mella

pakweku pakwe mu jua..
tokoh kepimpinan, epul wat aku nanges... huhu

kish n rab

well, aku sayang MJSC LAngkawi. tak lama dahh..

habis paper biology nanti, tak tahu banjir tahap ape.

keisha, aku tunggu hang noh.... hihi