Thursday, June 9, 2011

bila M nasir bagi listrik.

okeh, first of all, this entry is made in a tribute to my dear darling kakak.
she LOVED weird stuff. aku ngan nana <darling lagi sorang> slalu cakap dia plek pada orang.
<huppsy> ape ape pun, people are unique on their own, aite?
tonite, i decided to fulfill her wish on her obsession with ade sorang mamat jambu ni, jambu lah sangat.

M.Nasir.


mamat nih cukup diminati oleh kakak. sangat sangat, memangalah semangat spiritual yang wujud dalam lelaki ni memang ada dalam jiwang kakak. pernah sekali tu, waktu tu, kakak ni tomboy sikit. jalan pon macam orang baru lepas sunat je, <ala2 kangkang gitu> tapi skarang dah okey, dah ayu phewwwitt lagi>. sambung... kakak buat rambut sejibik cam MNASir the great. 
dahsyat kan, pengaruh mnasir, ni. kalau semua orang fanatik dengan orang2 macam ni, 
kakak tak, dia ikot style sifu dia. hebat kan?
there has been a lot of fun to make an entry about her relationship with mnasir. even his boyfriend cannot be compared to the almighty Mnasir, aite?


anyway and anyhow, world just cannot change some things.
like me too. world cannot change me for being the untidy kind of girl, kan? memang sepah. tapi angin kemas datang kemas lah aku. letihnya. sini dulu.


scarred;

water for elephants. and mengarut!

This story is unbelievable. Astonishingly unique and magical and I could not resist but to rewrite it. I hope that the original writer will not mind. Right now, I am listening to Dido’s beautiful jazzy voice of white flag. This song teaches me about why we should not give up in life. It’s a miracle for people who never gives up in life. As humans, we have our limits, right. I believe that God give difficulties in life for us to embrace and learn and they are not off our boundaries but, sometimes  we  are tested to check the position of our stand. Whether we are supposed to stop and give up or to move on. However we make the choice. It has always been us to do the backwards or forwards. I write this because of my LOVE towards writing.i made the choice to write, and not give up on my obsession to always write.  Some people who doesn’t like what I write or will write, that’s okay because, there are some people who like the way im putting words in lines. Like the old saying says, one people’s meat is another man’s poison. In WATER FOR ELEPHANTS, the young man played by Robert Pattinson,  was a genius in vets (animal doctorate or something),  the story goes,
One fine day, he was sitting on a final exam that determined whether he could graduate the college or not. While he was sitting the paper calmly and euphorically to get it done, an old man, his chauffeur came in the class, bringing the bad news to the inspector. He turned his back when his name was called up. He walked slowly towards the door; where the old man stand, waiting for him. He looked sharply into the hazel eyes of the old chauffeur, with uncertainty.

“ There had been an accident, young master.” Reported the old man. Jacob looked; not blinking even once.
“ We’ve lost Mr. and Mrs. McCowski. I am deeply sorry, Sir. I am.” Uttered the old man once again.
Jacob walked out of the door. He kept walking to nowhere he had known. No where he was assured of.  There he goes, had not said any words towards no one. Not even to himself. He lost his diligence to bring him decisions or directions. He walked till he found a railway trail. Not a station, a railway. And he walked through it. Along the deserted railway. In his mind was all blank. He remembered when the police asked him;
“ Mr. McCowski, is there any other relatives to be let known of? Anyone at all?”
“ No one. Just me”.
That was his last word that day. Back on the railway.  He was still walking although it had become dark.  He lost his cause of life.  The sound of train woke him up. The sound of the antique steamed train. Rolling its way down to him. He stopped. Stepped aside and waited. The train passed in front of him. He looked all his way. West, east, south and north. There was nothing but cold woods. So, he ran approaching the train. His heart said  here’s the only way.  He ran and approached the train.  He got on the train, gasping and laid down on the goods cargo. Laughing a little as he thought of what he had just done. 
I sat legs out facing the best sunset on earth while riding in a train filled with hypocrisy.  “BUMM”.  I turned around, finding who the hell’s ruining my best moment.  I saw a magnificent creature laying and gasping on the wooden train floor. He was angel. At least he looked like one, despite his sweaty and stained creamed suit.
“ Are you an angel sent from above to save me?”  I asked the mysterious man.
No response. He could not hear me, I guess. I stared at him. He was laughing at himself and got up, stood on his feet and turned his back facing me. And screamed a bit chickenly.
“ Who are you, lady?” he asked me.
“ One of God’s creation. Mr-i-Don’t-Know-Who,  I asked you that, hours ago, pardon me.”
“ Sorry, I haven’t notice you. Well, it’s a bit dangerous to sit there, miss…”
“who are you?” I asked impatiently.
“ I’m, I’m a nobody.”
“ Seriously? I thought you were sent by God to me.” I uttered.
“ Unfortunately, no.”
“ Your name, gentleman?”
“ Jacob.”
“kringgggg” the bell sounded.
I got up, took the long jacket of mine hanging by the door’s lock and ready to set off the cabin next to ours.
“ Well, Jake, that bell rings for me. Good luck! Run, if you never wanted to get caught. See you!”
“ Wait, miss.. your name is?”
“too precious to tell.. Good bye!” I shouted as jumped and ran over in the beside cabin. Heading to the diner’s cabin.  Mother would kill me if she found this out!
****************DINERS*******************************
“There’s sweetheart  Marlena! We are all waiting for you, dear. Like always.”
“All sweaty again? I wonder where have you been?” Harry, my fiance’ for the time being.
“nowhere, just on board, Harry, no worries at all.” I said while forking a lobster in front of me.

This train belonged to Harry’s father. I called him Uncle Gerald. He had gotten a new wife called, Joycelyn. We all called her Joy. On board are all the richies of Great town Winsconsin. Me and Harry are actually getting married in a serene town up west,  Queensland. There’s an old house of my late father over there awaiting for us. I had known Harry since I opened my eyes. We loved each other as siblings. But our family’s planned for us this big marital state. I hated this. He too. But we could not resist our family’s honor and pride. My father’s big company need to be saved from a big bankruptcy.  I was the trade. So does Harry, but he got other upside down story on his side. He was kidnapped last few years after he graduated the junior high. And Uncle Gerald happened to save him. He had sacrificed his life to repay his life that Uncle Gerald had saved. Even his ability to play music. I pitied him. But now, I had to pity myself. Well, mother would never let go of her filthy rich lifestyle. She was the first to force this Golden marriage. And made me wear this extremely tight and lacey dress. Richies looked good, she said. And the smile I could sincerely make was when I looked at the sunset everyday, even if arter that, I had to rush all the way to the diner and attentively listen to the annoying compliments from the newly found aunties and possessive uncles and Harry. He just had to work real hard to get my real love. Poor him? Yes. Poor me more!
“ Sir, we found an unidentified man in the cargo cabin.” A bodyguard whispered in Uncle Gerald’s ear. I was reminded to someone. His name was….. wait I could not recall! The angel! Who was it…..
“Bring him to me.” Said Uncle G.
Soon, the man was brought in . he stood in front of us. His eyes were locked to mine. I looked somewhere else. ‘told you to run!’ I said in my heart.
“who are you?”
“Jacob”
“why are you on my train?”
“your train?”
“yes, any problem wiith that.  Young man?”
“no, not at all. Its just that I found your daughter there….”
“uhukkkk uhukkk ummm hmmm!” I made that cough out.
“Are you okay, Marlena?” Harry encountered caress.
“Marlena? Is that your name?” the man said.
“who are you, again?”  Harry asked.
“Jacob. I accidentally jumped on your train, sir. Sorry for that.”
“accidentally?  Nahhh… drop him off the next station.”
He was dragged away.
“wait. Wait up. Your horse is extremely ill. If you can fix it without me then, drop me off”
“and who are you?”.
“Jacob, vets in Harvard.”
“you’re a graduate from Harvard?”
“umm,… yes.”
“take good care of my horse.”
“<smiling> I will”. He said.
“have you eaten? You don’t look like a doctor at all when your stomach kept growling…. Like… like a very.. hungry rat.” Busted Marlena. Busted me.
“No, thank you. That’s very thoughtful of you.”
“I was not offering, I was asking.”
“oh.. well not yet.”
“Hector, do you mind?” signing for Hector, my guardian to feed the angel. He was gorgeous.
Harry gave me the look of, we need to talk!. 

actually aku dah mengarut nih tapi lebih kurang lah ceritanya, and more magics. aku ngantuk and bantal dah memanggil manggil. tak lama lagi mak pulak memanggil manggil suroh anak dara dia bangun kan, so, stakat ni dulu entri aku. adios
scarred;

Monday, June 6, 2011

holiday hindustan aku.

rasanya, kalini punya cuti banyak hindustan dowh.
yes agak ngeri sebab dah lama tak tengok hindi moviually. tapi naseblah kaan. 
sape soh citer lain sume tak best..
entri kali ni tak de ilmiah sangat. 


aku teringat kata kata anwar hadi dalam salah satu vlog dia. entah tak ingat mana satu.
katanya, have scripts before you start a video. 
samelah macam buat blog, kan?
have some scripts first.
tapi,, not necessarily, aite?
i can blog without scripts but it'll be in a bit mess.
whatever lah. janji, ANWAR HADI, you made me LIKE you tho.
mdluth fi is not bad at all. penuh dengan sense of humor. like you too, tho.
but sometimes aku suak tengok orang berhabuk habuk speaking london, although he's not london at all <anwarhadi>.


yang penting vlogs macam tu, is very useful dan sangat sangat smart. 
they looked educated tho. ape ape lah peeps, kat sini aku nak share one vlog.
he's actually my senior. a very good one. SMART and sangat sangat pandai. 
abang aiman...


he's ktua batch dulu, tak silap. batch yang dapat nombor 1 tuhh.. 
share lah.

scarred,

Saturday, June 4, 2011

PLAN

cukuplah dengan KLCC, JAYA JUSCO, dan SEGALA PEMUAS NAFSU MANUSIA YANG LAIN.
today is sunday already. i have less than 7 days to prepare for my SPM. WHOAA!
first things first.
we are over for this year, okay?

  • get rid of boyfriendsS. <as if they realise they are mine>

  • get rid of  MOVIES <hindustan only allowed>
  • get rid of late mornings <wake up soon after mak jerit>
  • get rid of MALASness <Allah tolong aku!>
  • get HOMEWORKS done!
  • get CHORES done <cemerlang seiring dengan anak yang baik> kihkihkih
  • belajar MASAK banyak2 <untuk masa depan yang cerah>
  • revise HARD topics
    • add maths
    • chemistry
    • biology
    • physics
  • manja2 dengan mak giler2. <sbb after this akan tension giler kat maktab, so kne bawak bekal siap2.
  • WORK THE HELL OUT MY PLAN!!!!!
DOA: ya Allah, kau makbulkanlah doa kedua ibubapa kami, doa cikgu syahid kesayangan kami, doa guru2 serta ahli keluarga kami yang mengharapkan kejayaan kami. sesungguhnya hamba mu ini terlalu hina untuk berdoa kepadamu. kami merendahkan diri untuk menakluk cinta mu dalam pada itu kurniakanlah kejayaan dalam SPM '11 didunia mahupun di akhirat. amiiiin.

p/s: stress bila buat apa2 teringatkan buku, homework and all the stuffs. so, i have to sacrifice all these untuk dapatkan kejayaan itu. nothing comes rolling, aite?
go ADIBAH go!!!! hmmmmph.

i love you, at least what's left of you, kawan.

aku selalu stalk kawan aku punya blog yang satu ni. 
i mean, i know whats going on in her life, recently,
selepas dia keluar from my eyesight.

dulu2 dia sangat teruk, u know. tak lah teruk berbanding sekarang.
<judgementalnye aku ni.>
tapi, sejak dia satu rehab dengan aku, dia makin okay, she admitted this herself.
iyalah, semua orang tahu diri masing masing, kan?
perubahan, itu yang aku nampak. dia sedar akan perubahan itu. 
dan, hidayah. dia kejar hidayah allah tu.
PMR proved to me how she was such a good girl. i have fallen for that girl.
i praised lord for her goodness.i praised lord that she had found her way, perhaps as much as i have found mine.

aku boleh mengaku kat sini. aku dulu tak baik pon. this rehab buat aku SEDAR, terbuka mata.
alhamdulillah. i stand as who i am now, with faith in god.
so, there she was, takdir allah, the year 2010, we became close.
stay up same same. i help u, u help me. i see all the good things, sweetie.
and i have fallen once more for you. this friendship we built.
ada 2-3 makhluk allah yang tak nampak ni semua dari kau, kaan?
mereka mengeluarkan kata kata nista untuk perburukkan kau. kau stress dengan kesinisan orang2 alim ni, aku tahu. kadang kadang aku tak faham kenapa mereka yang alim ini, sinis sangat bahasanya.
atau, kita yang bersalah ni yang terasa lebih, entah la.

kawan aku ni, terkeluar drpd rehab ini. at first, aku yakin, ini jalan yang allah sediakan untuk kau jadi lebih baik, N. aku yang galakkan engkau untuk keluar. sebab pandangan orang dah buruk. kau takkan dapat terima whatever would happen next. kau pun memang nak keluar, kan. i supported you honey.

months passed until a year. almost every weekend we spent time on the phone. u tell me stories of ur life mostly because apa sahaja yang berlaku kat sini sama. you would know. hati aku rebah tengok gambar2 kau. alasan yang kau bagi untuk semua tu, ''that was my 1ST time wearing those, thise and that'',
sikit2 lama2 jadi bukit. alah bisa tegal biasa.
i know your heart misses the times kita spent kat surau raudhatulmuttaqin.
hati mana tak rindu kekasihnya?
u are feeding ur lust, thats for sure.
i am sad to see those pictures, those feelings of happy making sins.
this is because i loved you. always will.
its not that, i dont make sins. im a normal people who always learn from mistakes, sins.
and its not like you never got THAT education of being a muslim. 
where's the respect to yourself that we were being taught of in 2007?
lost. 

i know im not that FUN, exhilarating and ALL OUT. i am who i am. just note that, i will always be there when you needed me. there's a few words i would like to give you. 

seandainya sahabat itu menyesatkan kamu, maka tinggalkanlah dia.

this suits you better, sweet  :)
i missed you and i loved you. or whatever is left from you.
ingatlah balik apa yang kita belajar kat rehab dulu, N.
i believe you will find your way back if you ever wanted to,sayang. 
im happy to see you being extremely happy, its just not this way. 
Allah despise this. how can we reach Jannah together?
duniya is not forever. aku tak hidup lama kat dunia ni. 
menyinggah saja. 

p/s: mengata dulang paku serpih,
mengata orang aku yang lebih.
pffft. 



aku sayang ZAMHUSNIL.

Malam tu, <kira pagi buta gak ah.> .
zam antaq link kat aku, first2 x minat pown. aku tanya dia,
awat? ada apa? sambil ''open link in new tab''.
curiousity kills the cat, aite. well, i was killed heartlessly by ZAM's
freakingGODDAMNlink. bunyi dya tak tahan tuhh. *makimakimaki*
#1 dah lahh aku sorang.
#2 dah lah pagi butabuta
#3 dah lah sound dye cam haremm
#4 dah lah pintu bilik air terbukak

aku pun sepantas kilat menutup monitor laptop aku <setelah segala klik tak menjadi, entah hape yang aku klik>
dengan sepenuh kegigilan. sampai bunyi ''tapp!" naseb tak rosak! tapi bunyi tuh tak henti2.
aku berlari pecah masuk bilik beby yang kat sebelah je. muka cover je,
''panehh ah kat sbelah. adik tido sni mlm nih.''
''pehal?''
''panas lah. lau nak online amek ah laptop nih,... tapi! bukak bateri dulu. bru on.''
''apsal?''
''buat je lah, byk tanye lak! ah, teman adik amik bantal kat sbelah. heee :D''
''PENAKUT!"
''macam lah dia brani sangat! :P"

aku tido ngan beby mlm tu, macam haremm je. itulah zam, pencetus kaseh sayang aku dengan adek kesayangan aku, beby. that's why aku sayang kat kau, zam.

p/s: aku paham, zam gurau je. and there's no hard feelings at all kat aku pon. disini, aku cerita pngalamn aku je. and that's a very GOOD way to gurau. seriously, best gila! zam, nak link tuh, nak bergurau ngan org gak. kihkihkih.

scarred,

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

the heartbeat of a 17

26th May 2011.
stronger heart
tougher life.

17 is hard number. you want everything in life.
you want
cars
boys
love
hate
friends
enemies..
etc.



happy bithday : syahmeen, zaeem, aqil and nad nazri

to beloved sugarbabah n mamito, iloveyou. those nerdish text i got was an annual and iloveyou and iloveyou.
to nana, kakak, kak kin, bewa, all lahhh ilove yous! and kakak, life sucks without you. and only god knows how i missed you. how i want you to be here. kak, imyouu.

buat kengkawan semua. aku hargai effort korang walau untuk beberapa saat dalam 26 Mei 2011 utk wish aku, raikan ke tua an aku. tak tahu macam mana nak cakap kat korang macam mana aku sayang korang sangat sangat. still sampai skarang pon ada yang wish 6-7 days in a row. haha, <tak reti tgk tarikh ke hape>
thank you so much ehh? im sorry for all my mistakes. VEACE is my life this year. and to Dini and Hazimah, korang mmg kakak kakak yang baik utk form 1 yang busuk tuh. haks. naimi, iloveyou.



SPM is the cause to this heartbeat to be a 17. a legend as i will create one of my biggest history by the end of this year. presence of SPM actually makes life traced. scarred. iloveyou, SPM. and i love you, 17. xtually, 17 is not that old. umur yang terlalu best untuk dilepaskan. :)