Time was unhealing for us. It was rather pulling the tides between myself and what i am going to do. I know i dont own my heart or anyone elses.

I dont know how far i can go with this thought. But i do know it was respect that i was looking for in this world. Not too high so that people bow when they look at me. But enough so that they behave in front of me. Because Allah loves good deeds, beautiful manners and souls which get cleanse often enough from coloured they become pure and white again.

It was lacking for me because i lacked. I know respect came when you respect yourselves. Achieve something or write good articles, speak good speach, make life of others more meaningful than it used to be.

I was the girl that make changes in the world. I could speak in two languages better than the native, write essays, articles and letters to spread messages, used good words only when speaking and mannered to all kinds of being. I was that girl.

It suddenly hit me when i looked in the mirror nowadays and see myself so frightened and dependent. My heart has become so stiff as stone. I could look away from an elderly who lives beside my house when all he wanted was a salam despite his dismannered assistant.

I could do that now.
I never thought i could.

I now can ignore certain behaviour of people. Which is good sometimes because this is a cruel world.

But i realized that wasnt me.

I am someone who cares if my neighbour talked bad behind me. Who would smile the scariest smile even if i do not like what that person does to me.

Well, it wasnt a self-compliment. Its just my weakness that i have to do it because i do not own anything in this world. Its Allah's.

But i think im losing.