The Perks of Haters' Existence

There are haters all around the world who hates things. I hate some things, and some ones. On top of those, I hate what haters do to display their filthy hatred. (Why even do such things?!)

Not only do they portray their hatred towards another party, what they do is actually creating assumptions (which what even an average person always do) and bad perceptions towards the party that they hated without knowing the reality of it.

The negative energy they bring is almost overwhelming and nauseating. As a person who loves a positive surrounding all around, I am afraid that these haters would someday influence my friends, families or even my kids to be.

I have a friend who throw words like 'bodoh' when talking about a person we dont even know based on a silly comment on instagram. 
Not good, tho.

I love socializing in the network but its not something i would take into account to trust or agree on blindly. This is the network, which is filled with satans and angels. How do we know if what we read, watch or hear from the network can be worthy of our lives?
Thats when our thinking takes part.

Accepting blindly is not an option. Theres a lot to consider from the net, from the people especially from these garbage of haters.
What comes from our mouth displays us, careful not to spell out words that would tarnish our reputation.
Be sensitive.

Tak semua longkang ada mulut. Mulut kau ada? 😂

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Hati orang

Kita tak tahu hati orang. Kita dapat lihat apa dia buat, dengar apa dia kata dan jatuh sayang lepas kita suka. Tapi kita tak tahu hati orang.

Dan mungkin juga kita benci bersebab atau tidak. Tak mustahil walau dengan benci kita meratap bila dia mati. 

Aku ni manusia yang sepaling hebat buruk dan baiknya. Ada masa aku baik, tapi kebanyakan masa siapa tahu aku buat apa. 

Hati orang tu sedih, tapi tak siapa nampak. Dia hilang anak dia, laki dia sekelip mata. Serious sekelip mata. Bila dia sedar, seluruh hidup yang dia baru siap bina runtuh. Macam tu je.  

Dia ni kuat. Ni lah the perks of being the strong-willed. Menangis ke demam ke orang tak nampak. Naknak pulak tanned macam aku. Memang tak nampok kak oi.

Aku jumpa memo, tulisan tak sekata dan makin lama makin tak terbaca. Penulis memo ni mungkin menangis sambil tulis ke apa.. yang akhir tu macam ni bunyi dia

Dicucuri rahmat. Sayang papa dan baby girl selamanya. 

Lebih kurang.... Mungkin orang ingat dia bakal melupakan segalanya. Mungkin orang ingat dia bakal pergi dan pisahkan kami dengan anak dia. 

Tapi hati orang. Kita tak tahu...

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MEN OF STEEL

I never intended to make silly grammar or typing error by making the title MEN instead of MAN of steel. 

There is one sole reason why i decided to avoid watching Man of Steel since it's premieres in Malaysia. 

That is simply because I do not believe in Henry Cavill to bring out the Superman I'd hope to be. 

The good looking Superman. Seriously, I thought the Henry Cavill would spoil that with his dark curly almost braided hair. 

Two-hours ago, I broke this decision. I watched the movie. Intensified and guilty with what I was doing, I was amazed. All this while, I thought the movie sells because of the name, and history. I was wrong entirely. Henry Cavill in this movie is so far one of the most beautiful man I have ever seen. 

But there is always something more than just looks. Cavill delivered well.  

Kal-El was the only natural born son of Krypton. The only one, He was the key towards his own mankind but he chose what was good for the mankind he had become. He chose to save the responsibility which was left to him by history. He chose to be a Superman. Kal-El, was a history made fiction who figured out his mission from history. To ensure that Earth does not end up like Krypton. But he waited for himself, and Earth to be ready for him. He waited and took a leap of faith when his steel is ready.

History does matters. We came from History. I am a malay, living in Malaysia and on top of all a Moslem from history. Human being running around in my world trying to figure out why they are living because they forget how important history is.

I should wait too, right?

I know why I live now. I mean I knew it all along but I never had realized it should be this important. (Not from Henry Cavill oh please!)

I thought I am just ordinary. I thought everyone is ordinary.

But we are not. Everyone has their own steel that is made for a purpose. 

I have always wondered, How can it be that we all are made differently with no purpose? Isn't that just a plain stupidity? God is God. The Almighty and all the compliments are for Him. How can we be made purposeless? 

LISTEN TO ME, WE ARE NOT JUST ORDINARY.  

I am neither ordinary nor Superman. 

We are the Men of Steel, and our purpose is islam.

If this is too hard for you to understand or you think this is just some plain Islamic blog entry which is made by a wannabe famous somewhat... i would suggest for you to look back. Turn the pages in your history book. Stare at your muslim name, find it's meaning. Think as far as you could but remember that the closest thing to you shall be death and there will be life after death. 

Find your steel, or as for me I earn one and nurturing one and one day my steel will unite with all you Muslim back to our golden age.

Wallahua'lam.

A despicable design

this world is designed to break your heart.

There will be souls who is made to be yours. whether they are your blood, or your water; they will be yours at your worst stake. I have a mother who was loved by everyone, figuratively and literally. She was loved.

when she had her perfect health. So did my father. So did my gone brother. they were all loved and cherished. And their existence were embraced by everyone who met their eyes on them. They were loved by so many countless persons who claimed themselves families, relatives, friends or even daughters of different origins. But that countless bits, turned to barely can even be accounted to be with these three beloved people of mine at their worst stake. Be there blood nor water; no relations in the world could ever proceed themselves to be at service of good deed when we needed them to.

This design of a human being is my utmost fear. My worst pain and nightmare whatever i should call them; it is not a good word for any noble mouth to bear. I never thought of forgetting any good deeds a person would have given me. If I am at the very capability to repay any, I promise I would. The design of people in which forgets is one upsetting design.

The design who forgets that we do not live in this world for this world. The design which forgets why we are even living here in this world. To please who? Oh please, I do not beg for you to be fine and act nice to my mother, father nor my late brother's honor. They are just human beings who bound to make every mistake they can here. But, I do beg you to be as honest and as sincere to every soul you do good deeds with. Do it heartfully for your God whom your servitude is compulsory. Because we, are in our shortest way to come back to Him.

What differentiates my three beloved people in the past and present days are their health. And of course my brother had already returned to where we all are belonged to. Both my parents were tough guards, who would sacrifice anything to give help sincerely to any living souls who asked them. Who keeps their children in the perfection we need. Now, they are not anymore capable of running around helping people. Their pace has become slow but arising steadily. Allah knows what we had gone through. Alhamdulillah, my late brother; people spoke nice of him. He was the best among us the siblings and yes, people will start listening when you're dead.

At our worst stake, my dead brother would be there for us. Now that he's gone, God showed us most people who is well designed to crush and torn us apart. Parasites. At our worst stake, we were left by just us. This is a world to be grateful for, trust me no sarcasm in this. You will be surprised how close you were and how actually you are in distance with someone. 

When you have less to offer the world, the world leaves you.

These people may have cooked your everyday meals, braided your hair, praised you day and night, let you play with their child and bonded with them like your own blood. One fine day, under any circumstances they will be just gone. All you have left are memories and distances you never knew was there all along.

And do not expect people who are designed this way are the least in the world. Around you, they will be plenty, outruns the number of days you have lived even. Do not expect these people to come back to you without the same reason they had before. Do not expect they would see how you are in pain when they choose to leave you. Lastly, do not expect that this design is not in you. Nauzubillah.

I just hate to see my people got hurt by this design. My beautiful family do not need these kinds of people coming in, act nice and gone in a split of a second. My parents had enough to bear, these additions of bad designs cannot be here anymore. Not in a time that I am not there with them. They have had enough.

So, dear Allah who I turn to in my happiness, and sadness. Make these design go away in a blink of our eyes. Keep us and only us to hurt to teach, and to love unconditionally of our blood. Spare our parents Your great compassion and make us strong by the most tender lessons. Grant their prayers your mercy and generosity. Protect them at all times. Make their hearts think of only to please You and by it make them happy in this Dunia and Aakhirah.

Amin.

About why.

So i decided to take a rest. My flu desperately needs it.
I have anatomy and parasitology exam tomorrow. Parasitology is basically done.
Anatomy, i need fresh consentration instead of sneezing all the way.

I dreamt of going to places that needs the world's attention. Joining MERCY and stuff like that. I love the idea of helping people with whatever you are capable of.

I love volunteerism. I love giving though i may be stingy at times. I live making people happy somehow it enjoys me. Like for now i discovered how good a cook i am. I enjoy making good food and share it with everyone i can. At least i think they were good.

I entered medicine for reasons i couldn't explain. Most part of it, i do it for my parents. But now, i have gotten too far involved personally. Until i think everyone should learn what i am still learning in this field. It's so wide, so after world.

The more i learn, the more i feel lacked. I feel theres more to it that i should think of.

I may lose a lot of things coming to Medan. But i can assure you i am working my ass of to gain more. To gain most. And share most of me to anyone who desires me to.

Make me useful, i love it.

Know and Knew

I never meant to hurt anyone. But if i do, i will never have the strength to let them know i want to hurt them.

You see, Allah works in the most mysterious way. One day, you're at the top the next you'll never know.
In high school, my friends knew me as a person with a very honest tongue. I speak of what i feel. I was judgmental and failed to see what's best in people. I failed to reach out to the possibility that any person in the world would turn out to be better in future. I failed to treat people as good as i am but as bad as i thought they were. My ego was up high.

In my prayers, i never missed asking Allah to make me better everyday. I am a strong believer that life is a learning process but my expectations were not wide enough. In fact, it was so narrow it brought shame to me today.

I did wrong to some of my friends. I arrogantly assumed that they did not take the chances to be better when we had it- when we were at school, being taught and provided with generosity of our teachers and seniors giving lessons about life, religion. And that attitude had never made me better.

First day i came to Medan, i was placed with new friends. Friends with characters i thought only exists in movies. I had no choice but to adapt. It takes time but surely i will, the easy way or another. Plus, i am adapting with the new environment as well so why not take two wheels.

As i was placed far away from my finest friendships, i start working on building another. I absolutely cannot find the same friendships i had, but why not try building a better one. Or at least similar to what i had. Been four months, still building up. Holding up.

I learn so many new things, you see. My ego, my loudness, my assumptions of people i knew and just know starts falling apart. I was a know-it-all. I thought i knew a lot of people's character but apparently not.

I love seeing that actually, my friends back in high school knew the chances they had to be good. But they needed time. I forgot how hard it was to make changes to myself. I forgot that there was once when i was given the good chance and i took the time taking it. I forgot that i was worse. My self-righteousness is over whelming.

As for now, i give chances to myself. Give time to accept and always think of my flaws, my mistakes, how worse that i was. I teach a lot of patience to myself, rolling down my temperament. I try to stop assume and i see the best i people. I remind myself that this person has the potential of being better than me. A lot of reflections do miracle things to me.

Oh i really dislike the phrase "better than me". I'll work that out too.

And most importantly, i would love to be good to everyone. As good as i can be, not as bad as my bad mind think they are.

Still teaching myself some good things.

Not yet

Hi.

I had the days when i wonder when will it be my time to have different feelings for someone.

I thought for once when i met you, when i know how easily you make me laugh, i thought that was the time. But i doubt it, it was just the sense of humor you have in yourself or its just some plain law of attraction for an ordinary girl like me to like that character of a man.

So, i observed more. Maybe it was you or maybe its not. Yea, i like you. They call it crush, i call it playing dots. And you have a girlfriend, tho. I will not become in between of something.
Never.

Then i got a text from my Dad. Calling me sayang, and a plain explanation of what happened that day back at home.

And things we had ended at the same time. We never had seen each other out of that circle. And i take this as a sign from the Almighty.

Not yet, Adibah.

My dad, he is the only man who loves me this much. A much where nobody else in the World except for Allah to love me. It is normal tho, for me to love and hope for a stranger to love me back.

At the right time, the right place there will be the right man.

For now, im all my Daddy's. And the one who can love me the way he has, (never as much that he does) i'll be waiting but not yet. Let me fulfill my responsibility as his girl first.

Just not yet.