So i decided to take a rest. My flu desperately needs it.
I have anatomy and parasitology exam tomorrow. Parasitology is basically done.
Anatomy, i need fresh consentration instead of sneezing all the way.
I dreamt of going to places that needs the world's attention. Joining MERCY and stuff like that. I love the idea of helping people with whatever you are capable of.
I love volunteerism. I love giving though i may be stingy at times. I live making people happy somehow it enjoys me. Like for now i discovered how good a cook i am. I enjoy making good food and share it with everyone i can. At least i think they were good.
I entered medicine for reasons i couldn't explain. Most part of it, i do it for my parents. But now, i have gotten too far involved personally. Until i think everyone should learn what i am still learning in this field. It's so wide, so after world.
The more i learn, the more i feel lacked. I feel theres more to it that i should think of.
I may lose a lot of things coming to Medan. But i can assure you i am working my ass of to gain more. To gain most. And share most of me to anyone who desires me to.
Make me useful, i love it.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Know and Knew
I never meant to hurt anyone. But if i do, i will never have the strength to let them know i want to hurt them.
You see, Allah works in the most mysterious way. One day, you're at the top the next you'll never know.
In high school, my friends knew me as a person with a very honest tongue. I speak of what i feel. I was judgmental and failed to see what's best in people. I failed to reach out to the possibility that any person in the world would turn out to be better in future. I failed to treat people as good as i am but as bad as i thought they were. My ego was up high.
In my prayers, i never missed asking Allah to make me better everyday. I am a strong believer that life is a learning process but my expectations were not wide enough. In fact, it was so narrow it brought shame to me today.
I did wrong to some of my friends. I arrogantly assumed that they did not take the chances to be better when we had it- when we were at school, being taught and provided with generosity of our teachers and seniors giving lessons about life, religion. And that attitude had never made me better.
First day i came to Medan, i was placed with new friends. Friends with characters i thought only exists in movies. I had no choice but to adapt. It takes time but surely i will, the easy way or another. Plus, i am adapting with the new environment as well so why not take two wheels.
As i was placed far away from my finest friendships, i start working on building another. I absolutely cannot find the same friendships i had, but why not try building a better one. Or at least similar to what i had. Been four months, still building up. Holding up.
I learn so many new things, you see. My ego, my loudness, my assumptions of people i knew and just know starts falling apart. I was a know-it-all. I thought i knew a lot of people's character but apparently not.
I love seeing that actually, my friends back in high school knew the chances they had to be good. But they needed time. I forgot how hard it was to make changes to myself. I forgot that there was once when i was given the good chance and i took the time taking it. I forgot that i was worse. My self-righteousness is over whelming.
As for now, i give chances to myself. Give time to accept and always think of my flaws, my mistakes, how worse that i was. I teach a lot of patience to myself, rolling down my temperament. I try to stop assume and i see the best i people. I remind myself that this person has the potential of being better than me. A lot of reflections do miracle things to me.
Oh i really dislike the phrase "better than me". I'll work that out too.
And most importantly, i would love to be good to everyone. As good as i can be, not as bad as my bad mind think they are.
Still teaching myself some good things.
You see, Allah works in the most mysterious way. One day, you're at the top the next you'll never know.
In high school, my friends knew me as a person with a very honest tongue. I speak of what i feel. I was judgmental and failed to see what's best in people. I failed to reach out to the possibility that any person in the world would turn out to be better in future. I failed to treat people as good as i am but as bad as i thought they were. My ego was up high.
In my prayers, i never missed asking Allah to make me better everyday. I am a strong believer that life is a learning process but my expectations were not wide enough. In fact, it was so narrow it brought shame to me today.
I did wrong to some of my friends. I arrogantly assumed that they did not take the chances to be better when we had it- when we were at school, being taught and provided with generosity of our teachers and seniors giving lessons about life, religion. And that attitude had never made me better.
First day i came to Medan, i was placed with new friends. Friends with characters i thought only exists in movies. I had no choice but to adapt. It takes time but surely i will, the easy way or another. Plus, i am adapting with the new environment as well so why not take two wheels.
As i was placed far away from my finest friendships, i start working on building another. I absolutely cannot find the same friendships i had, but why not try building a better one. Or at least similar to what i had. Been four months, still building up. Holding up.
I learn so many new things, you see. My ego, my loudness, my assumptions of people i knew and just know starts falling apart. I was a know-it-all. I thought i knew a lot of people's character but apparently not.
I love seeing that actually, my friends back in high school knew the chances they had to be good. But they needed time. I forgot how hard it was to make changes to myself. I forgot that there was once when i was given the good chance and i took the time taking it. I forgot that i was worse. My self-righteousness is over whelming.
As for now, i give chances to myself. Give time to accept and always think of my flaws, my mistakes, how worse that i was. I teach a lot of patience to myself, rolling down my temperament. I try to stop assume and i see the best i people. I remind myself that this person has the potential of being better than me. A lot of reflections do miracle things to me.
Oh i really dislike the phrase "better than me". I'll work that out too.
And most importantly, i would love to be good to everyone. As good as i can be, not as bad as my bad mind think they are.
Still teaching myself some good things.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Not yet
Hi.
I had the days when i wonder when will it be my time to have different feelings for someone.
I thought for once when i met you, when i know how easily you make me laugh, i thought that was the time. But i doubt it, it was just the sense of humor you have in yourself or its just some plain law of attraction for an ordinary girl like me to like that character of a man.
So, i observed more. Maybe it was you or maybe its not. Yea, i like you. They call it crush, i call it playing dots. And you have a girlfriend, tho. I will not become in between of something.
Never.
Then i got a text from my Dad. Calling me sayang, and a plain explanation of what happened that day back at home.
And things we had ended at the same time. We never had seen each other out of that circle. And i take this as a sign from the Almighty.
Not yet, Adibah.
My dad, he is the only man who loves me this much. A much where nobody else in the World except for Allah to love me. It is normal tho, for me to love and hope for a stranger to love me back.
At the right time, the right place there will be the right man.
For now, im all my Daddy's. And the one who can love me the way he has, (never as much that he does) i'll be waiting but not yet. Let me fulfill my responsibility as his girl first.
Just not yet.
I had the days when i wonder when will it be my time to have different feelings for someone.
I thought for once when i met you, when i know how easily you make me laugh, i thought that was the time. But i doubt it, it was just the sense of humor you have in yourself or its just some plain law of attraction for an ordinary girl like me to like that character of a man.
So, i observed more. Maybe it was you or maybe its not. Yea, i like you. They call it crush, i call it playing dots. And you have a girlfriend, tho. I will not become in between of something.
Never.
Then i got a text from my Dad. Calling me sayang, and a plain explanation of what happened that day back at home.
And things we had ended at the same time. We never had seen each other out of that circle. And i take this as a sign from the Almighty.
Not yet, Adibah.
My dad, he is the only man who loves me this much. A much where nobody else in the World except for Allah to love me. It is normal tho, for me to love and hope for a stranger to love me back.
At the right time, the right place there will be the right man.
For now, im all my Daddy's. And the one who can love me the way he has, (never as much that he does) i'll be waiting but not yet. Let me fulfill my responsibility as his girl first.
Just not yet.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Lights
As if the lights are going to be turned off forever; i tasted that.
As if life has becoming tireful and boring.
As if theres no one but you.
Light; illumination to make you see. One of the needs to make your eyes work.
To make hearts vibrant out of lumpiness.
This is one of Allah's biggest test for me, Light.
The Nuzul Quran Day last year, he turned off one of the brightest light in my life.
He took back my brother.
And the whole year has been rather challenging and distressing. The whole one year has been pushing patience and temper to their limits.
But Alhamdulillah, He light us up with a lot of Hikmah.
I never thought of my late brother as gone, dead. He never did. Yes, we did cry missing his presence. We remember his words of wisdom. People are right, we will start to listen to someone when they are dead. The whole time, we took it for granted.
My brother; he was always there. Here; inside our hearts. Mistakenly sometimes i stand in front of the door of our house hoping he'll come by. He always stayed for couple of nights. Cook and had iftar with us. Cook sahur while listening to sinar fm. He did all that. He enlightened our days.
Am grateful, for everything. Alhamdulillah he went away on a great day. Ramadhan, Nuzul Quran. What a blessing, Wa.
Light,
Have gone to rest. Have lived to enlighten.
Mak never stop praying for you. Doa seorang Mak untuk Wa hanyalah syurga.
Now, its our job to teach your son. Definitely will teach him to pray for you.
Jadikan dia harta terindah yang kau tinggalkan atas dunia ni, my brother.
In shaa Allah.
As if life has becoming tireful and boring.
As if theres no one but you.
Light; illumination to make you see. One of the needs to make your eyes work.
To make hearts vibrant out of lumpiness.
This is one of Allah's biggest test for me, Light.
The Nuzul Quran Day last year, he turned off one of the brightest light in my life.
He took back my brother.
And the whole year has been rather challenging and distressing. The whole one year has been pushing patience and temper to their limits.
But Alhamdulillah, He light us up with a lot of Hikmah.
I never thought of my late brother as gone, dead. He never did. Yes, we did cry missing his presence. We remember his words of wisdom. People are right, we will start to listen to someone when they are dead. The whole time, we took it for granted.
My brother; he was always there. Here; inside our hearts. Mistakenly sometimes i stand in front of the door of our house hoping he'll come by. He always stayed for couple of nights. Cook and had iftar with us. Cook sahur while listening to sinar fm. He did all that. He enlightened our days.
Am grateful, for everything. Alhamdulillah he went away on a great day. Ramadhan, Nuzul Quran. What a blessing, Wa.
Light,
Have gone to rest. Have lived to enlighten.
Mak never stop praying for you. Doa seorang Mak untuk Wa hanyalah syurga.
Now, its our job to teach your son. Definitely will teach him to pray for you.
Jadikan dia harta terindah yang kau tinggalkan atas dunia ni, my brother.
In shaa Allah.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Beautiful
Hello.
It has been a little while since i last thought about really beautiful and smooth kinda things.
My life has been pretty rough. hmm..
so, what's so beautiful?
 |
| babah and mak. perfect health. on vacay. |
beautiful, isnt it? i miss this. like, i dont care if i have to lose my academics or anything or even my life. if i can get this beauty moment again, i will. beautiful.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Jatuh Sayang
salam a'laik.
Entri kali ini khas buat kehidupan matrikulasi aku yang tinggal bersisa ini.
Memang harus aku akui, pada permulaannya matriks ni bukan kerelaan aku sepenuh hati. Tapi aku tak pernah berhenti berusaha untuk teriam kehidupan aku disini. Terima seadanya keputusan SPM aku yang membuatkan aku tidak layak untuk ke program asasi sains. Dan, pada pertengahan tempoh aku berada di sini, aku sangat diuji. Selalu aku tinggalkan KMS untuk melunaskan tanggungjawab aku terhadap keluarga tercinta. Keluarga yang memerlukan sokongan moral yang padu. Alhamdulillah, satu-satu aku harungi dengan penuh kesyukuran kepada Ilahi. Terima kasih, Allah atas kudrat dan nikmat yang telah kau berikan.
Berbalik kepada tajuk entri kita.
hmm. dan softball. im in love with you!
Alhamdulillah, atas segala kurniaanMu, aku sedar ini jalan terbaik buat aku.
InsyaAllah, kawan2, we will have our happy ending, okay. dont worry, be happy.
hakuna matata.
Entri kali ini khas buat kehidupan matrikulasi aku yang tinggal bersisa ini.
Memang harus aku akui, pada permulaannya matriks ni bukan kerelaan aku sepenuh hati. Tapi aku tak pernah berhenti berusaha untuk teriam kehidupan aku disini. Terima seadanya keputusan SPM aku yang membuatkan aku tidak layak untuk ke program asasi sains. Dan, pada pertengahan tempoh aku berada di sini, aku sangat diuji. Selalu aku tinggalkan KMS untuk melunaskan tanggungjawab aku terhadap keluarga tercinta. Keluarga yang memerlukan sokongan moral yang padu. Alhamdulillah, satu-satu aku harungi dengan penuh kesyukuran kepada Ilahi. Terima kasih, Allah atas kudrat dan nikmat yang telah kau berikan.
"when you look less at the hardships, the door to happiness becomes wide open"That's what i have always been doing in life. maybe that is my secret to be happy when i shouldnt. heh.
Berbalik kepada tajuk entri kita.
Sebab mereka ini, yang Allah takdirkan untuk membantu aku dalam segala hal. sentiasa bersedia untuk aku. MasyaAllah, mereka ini tergolong dalam sahabat2 yang terbaik. Rakan sebilik, rakan sekelas, rakan kenalan. Semua yang aku kenal. TERBAIK. terima kasih kerana telah menerima aku seadanya. terima kasih untuk segalanya.Aku jatuh sayang pada rakan2 di KMS.
hmm. dan softball. im in love with you!
Alhamdulillah, atas segala kurniaanMu, aku sedar ini jalan terbaik buat aku.
InsyaAllah, kawan2, we will have our happy ending, okay. dont worry, be happy.
hakuna matata.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Irresistable
Assalamualaikum.
First and foremost, I am not a Directioner.
But nobody should deny their good music.
yes, their good as really damn good music at certain levels. heh.
WARNING: THIS ENTRY MIGHT BE SO CHEESY that you would think that you dont know me.
Ironically. nak dijadikan cerita, baru- baru ni aku bermimpi sesuatu yang indah. Dalam islam ada mengajarkan bahawa benda yang baik-baik mestilah dikongsikan bersama. Hihihi.
nak cerita mimpi itu full story aku tak berapa ingat pula. Tapi yang pasti ada seorang lelaki ni. serba putih tapi bukan berjubah, tapi ber-tshirt dan seluar. bercahayaaaaaaaaaaaa. rupa paras yang aku tak ingat, tapi yang aku tahu aku suka sangat bila dia senyum. i mean like i really love the smile.
And there's a fact about me and my dreams. I never and dont and pretty rarely dream about guys and men that i am not aware of their existence. yang kenal pun cukup jarang sampai aku boleh kata TIADA yang pernah masuk dalam mimpi aku.
But when i woke up, i really am upset that i wish to back into that dream and see him smile again. But, i am glad to have found that smile. it really give some sort of peace in my cloudy heart. cloudy heart? whatever. And i wish to see him again in my dreams. in reality? no. Not yet.
Don't try to make me stay
Or ask if I'm okay
I don't have the answers
Don't make me stay the night
Or ask if I'm alright
I don't have the answer
Or ask if I'm okay
I don't have the answers
Don't make me stay the night
Or ask if I'm alright
I don't have the answer
Heartache doesn't last forever
I'll say I'm fine
Midnight ain't no time for laughing
When you say goodbye.
It makes your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes irresistible.
I've tried to ask myself
Should I see someone else?
I wish I knew the answer.
But I know, if I go now, if I leave
Then I'm on my own tonight
I'll never know the answer.
Midnight doesn't last forever
Dark turns to light
Heartache flips my world around
I'm falling down, down, down,
That's why.
It's in your lips and in your kiss
It's in your touch and your fingertips
And it's in all the things and other things
That make you who you are and your eyes irresistible.
It makes your lips so kissable
And your kiss invincible
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes,
Your eyes, your eyes, your eyes
Irresistible.
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