Feedback

Assalamualaikum.
Its been a while that i've written in my blog. Maybe because i am okay with life (Noticed that most of my entries was sad, wrecked and ridiculous) haha. Or maybe i just dont have anything useful to share with everyone.

This is actually a feedback to  fresh new blog.

I started blogging because writing is my best way to express my thought, my feelings and whatever else that a homo sapien needs to express. It is basically an expression. Just an expression. I tried not letting you to read it because i have people who hated me because of what i wrote. They cannot accept that i write things because i feel things and think of things so they hate me; instead of hating what i did (blog) and talk it through, they just hate and left. But i dont have anything to regret about that.

So you. Instead of being just a friend, you've been a great one. Who actually think i am kind, understanding, yadda yadda yadda whatever. The best part is that you are a patient friend to me. I have never thought i'd have one like you. Its not easy to keep up with me, we've been busy together and you know better. You are a caretaker. And all there is that is bad or good are good in my eyes because i take you as a gaygaygay friend of mind so dont worry you're good as long as you keep doing what you're doing. But, gay i am overly grateful that i have you in Medan. Heee

Anyways, make your blog counts in people's life. May it be that you have only one follower, who cares! I have about 14 or so but i dont mind, as long as they are the ones who has been there for me all along, be it i never had any comments or views they dont actually matter. What matters is what you write. Of course i had stupid and thoughtless entries, its my blog anyways. Feel free to leave a question or comment on my entries if you ever feel free enough to read it.

By the way, i am an open book. I think i have been opening up to you about almost everything that has happened in my life. So, if you think there's something i am hiding, i dont

People comes and goes so easily in my life. I just hope this one stays for if he goes, it is somewhere i want him to be. Okay? Okay.

Have loved

So i have loved but to the wrongness of whats right.
So i have been touched by the hands of a friend.
And i say thank you.

For showing me such friendship would exist and it would come to no avail. And it will end.
Although i thought we promised for ever.
And our for ever is now at done.

So i have loved with cautious. But still it comes to an absolute insincerity at the end. So i have trusted you with a piece of my heart but i have been thrown back with it on my face.

So you never lied. Yes, i know you wouldnt. But you never had told me the bitter truth. And i admit, we were lying to ourselves about it.

We lost the topic, we dont know what to talk about. We started to become cold to each other. We lost the topic. We are lazy to share our different stories because we thought we wouldnt understand each other but its a lie. We are just lazy. You are too lazy.

We became strangers in the moment i thought we know each other all too well to become a for ever.

I dont ask for much. I just want you to know that i have loved. Cautiously. But still you know how to break my heart.

So as i am very protective over my heart, i need to let go. As you have let go. I need to move on. As you have let go.

Goodbye rab. I'd wish to never have you. But i had.

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One and only.

Because i am my one and only. Because i am me. I am the only one that is me. I hold the reaponsibility of being me. Being someone who have all this thought. All of this that no one else could be thinking of. Being me is the most unreasonable at times, the best thing at times and the exhaustion i tell you. The exhaustion to have to think even when you're not supposed to think. To be when you're not supposed to be. Like when you think you have this magical hands that can heal but you cant heal. Oh i wish i have those hands.

Because i am my most difficult case. I thought with having a blog, i can tell things i cant say. The fact is i cant tell no matter how much it needed to be expressed.

I am me. I share my thoughts, my say, my see, my hear and all of mine not because how open-minded i am. Because i want to be accountable, because no matter how wrong i am, i am right.

I am not humble. I do what i can do. I say the obvious things and i see with the eyes Allah lent me. Hear and say with whats not mine too. So, if you say i am humble, down to earth, no. I love showing off and be proud of who i am. Humble is for the weak. But i demand it from everyone.

I am selfish. Yes. No added elaboration needed. I love serving myself.

I am too judgy. Judge is my job if i am not a doctor 4 years later. And i'll be the one hated by all criminals.

And i want to know more of what i am.

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Your cup of tea.

I miss you. And all that makes you. Doesnt make sense. Ridiculed. Oh shut up.

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Truth in life

How do you know if whatever that occured to you is the truth? How do you know if its real or just a few people pretend to be real?

Every second we breathe, we takw chances. Chances that maybe we are going to die soon. Thats the only truth you need to survive today. The best truth; the only that keeps a human being to do their best in a day is to live like its our last day.

I have trust issues. I dont believe in people that easily. This may seem a bit dramatic but its the truth. One day she's your best friend and the next your enemy. Nauzubillah.. but that is whats happened today.

How do you know if that someone is sincere to you? Only intuition could guide you. And Allah. He guides those who asks.

In shaa Allah my lost today will be a great blessing.

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i dont believe you

No I don't believe you

When you say don't come around here no more

I won't remind you

You said we wouldn't be apart

No, I don't believe you

When you say you don't need me anymore

So don't pretend

To not love me at all

I don't mind it

I still don't mind at all

It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up

Looks like you've given up, you've had enough

But I want more no I won't stop

'cause I just know you'll come around... right?

performed by pink.

Reset Button

Assalamualaikum.

so, how's life? 

That is an absolute question we should ask ourselves once in a while. like go somewhere peaceful, look forward, straight posture, open up your navy blue eyes wide and ask, how's life? ( if you dont have any navy blue eyes, then dont do it) then, see if it gets better.. 

Everyone has a reset button but unfortunately, it is not in the hands of you to push it. it is not in your control. its in God's. He chooses when to push your life reset button. you see, changes are not easy. to change for the better especially is not easy. to accept the changes itself is hell whats more to bear them. speaks out of experience and not theoretically. 

the people who knew me before my reset button is pressed knew me differently. my life in the past, it was filled with carelessness, it was only life of a typical girl living in a dream. literally. When my family had a terrible accident, all of those dreams; it was gone (im glad that its gone) the careless girl couldnt be careless anymore and she cant dream the same. I had healthy parents, who walks proudly, energetically and vibrantly living the life as it came by. Alhamdulillah now they are healthy too. but they dont look the same. Changes, you see. My life was reset. Our life were. and trust Allah when he said, He's not testing you beyond what you can bear. That faith saved us millions of time.

so, take good care of your faith for when your reset button is pressed, you know there's something which never leaves you. 

so, how's life?